Maybe some clarity coming....
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Maybe some clarity coming....
| Wed, 12-29-2010 - 11:31am |
I just re-read responses to my earlier discussion "Trying to get Out".
| Wed, 12-29-2010 - 11:31am |
I just re-read responses to my earlier discussion "Trying to get Out".
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Sunrise-
You're insights into yourself and your behaviors is FANTASTIC.
Sunrise,
Good stuff! Lots of focus on yourself and taking ownership and responsibility in the situation.
It does sting to realize when we talk about xAP we are actually talking about ourselves because all of us on this board are xAPs.
You are also right that those realizations will point you in the right direction i.e. you need to identify the problem before you can attempt a solution.
As far as Friday goes since you know it will be a trigger for you, you need to have a plan in place. I like Heart’s suggestions. I would add to your list of things to do on that day journaling and posting here (if you can). You can limit your time to think about xAP and his B-day on that day.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
If your commitment is to continue NC, then Friday doesn't matter at all.
If you are looking for a way back into the A, then it is the perfect opportunity.
You have to get real with yourself. You can fool us, BUT you know what you are thinking and you can't fool yourself.
It doesn't matter whether you "wish" him anything, it will make no difference.
I speak all of this from experience.
Don't do it, it will only make everything worse, and a waste.
Help yourself, protect yourself, SAVE yourself.
We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.
I have much work to do in counseling,
Perhaps what sunrise meant is that you can't expect to fix it suddenly and sometimes we are never completely fixed (like the alcoholic is always an alcoholic but they refrain) but also that it's a process and awareness and openness are the first steps.It is OK sunrise, just keep up the work at a pace that you can do and also leads to results.
Sunrise, what you said about the attention getting and the fact that you look at your daughters and wish they don't ever have to experience this kind of thing, makes total sense to me. I too have older girls. I pictured my oldest daughter for a moment being where I am right now and the thought gave me a shudder.Thanks for that.
Oh, I hear ya, Sunshine.
Clarity, you said something that I believe I can use as one tool (for at least getting through tomorrow-XAP b-day).
No, I am what you call Clarity...tee hee :)
Yes, Sunrise....light bulb moments, and they create clarity..yessiree.
Sunrise, you know what? It's JAM's birthday today too...it's New Year's Eve here in New Zealand. I can tell you, being actually IN the future before you all get there...that it doesn't actually matter one single iota. It's the end of an old year and the start of a new one. That's what today is :-)
Keep the faith, kiddo! xxx
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