Maybe we can be friends
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| Fri, 02-27-2004 - 5:41pm |
He asked why I didn't call him back on Tuesday and I told him that if it was important he could have left a message. He said he just called to say hi and to make sure that I was ok and that we were ok. When I told him I was fine he said he was just so glad that we were still friends. We talked about all sorts of stuff and actually had a nice time. I just love his sense of humor and the fact that he is so passionate about everything in his life (kids, work, activities). I also found myself not getting all worked up around him- sure we fooled around, but any of the drama that followed I think I may have self created. Maybe I did read too much into what I wanted to feel instead of what I really feel. He is a great guy- and if anything I should be grateful that he cared enough about me to "put the brakes on". Truthfully I think I took those feelings he had for me (ie attraction and genuine connection) and tried to create them into some clandestine romance. This may be a very dangerous statement, but if the two of us keep things in check, maybe we can put this behind us and remain very close friends. Because bottom line is I don't want to lose that.
I am sure most of you are going to want to whack me with a 2 X 4, but I think that I can be mature enough to let all of this go and still remain friends. Does anyone think this is possible, or am I just kidding myself?

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NO 2x4, just one MALE's opinon and personal life experiences.......
Sometimes in the moment of need we make up in our minds more than what is really there because of what we need for ourselves to bring relief to our own life. Boredom, pain, day-in, day-out drudgery, whatever....
If you take the time to read my early posts in the archives (start in late 2002 and work forward) you'll read about my own path and the recovered friendships with former EMA's.
Yes, I'm different than most men, particularly the EMA men. So what happened to me and exOW's and how I chose to work with it is certainly the miniscule percentage of affair experiences.
Yet, friendship IS possible to recover. It takes real maturity and space away (NC or as close to it as possible) for time to let the dust settle and feelings and emotions to come into balance with real life. Because affairs are fantasy lives, never seeing the full 24/7 that the rest of your life is. Giving yourselves time apart helps the healing process.
NS, in your case you were involved with your neighbor. Absolute NC is impossible without either moving away or raising some flags that will need explaining...and more lying. I believe that it is possible to learn to "keep things in check" and regain your friendship.....provided you take the time to go to counseling and address the issues within your marriage that you used to give yourself permission to escalate the relationship you had with your neighbor. Because as I see it, there clearly are some MAJOR issues within your marriage and yourself that you used to open that door to another relationship in your life....even to get so desparate to risk all you have with lies to cover your tracks.
xMM may very well be sincere in calling on the phone making sure you were OK WITHOUT trying to get back into your pants. And not leaving a message was a smart thing to do so as to not leave a message that might get heard by someone else and cause a lot of pain over a relationship that was already in the past. I suggest, partciularly since you've
I am going to be very careful about this friendship, I don't want to junk my head and heart up with any more problems than I already have.
This is going to be a good week- hard, I have lots of work to do on myself and my marriage, but I have to start somewhere.
Thanks
No Strings
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