To MaybeKatie:

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
To MaybeKatie:
5
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 12:00pm
i read your post down below that you are struggling a little bit now--i think you wrote, something must be in the stars.

I've always gotten the impression from your posts, that your M is in a relatively good place--that you love your H and you want things to work out? Am i right about that?

The reason i ask is: if you are struggling with thoughts of xMM right now, maybe things aren't going well at home? I have found that when things with H looked like they were going to improve, my thoughts of xMM were fewer and far between. I would throw all my energy into my M and trying to improve it. But over the last month or so, as things continue to unravel with H, i have found my obsession with xMM has been reignited.

How are things with your H?

Clarice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
In reply to: claricews
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 1:03pm
Wow, good question. I had a bad day & a half, no idea why. Things with the H are actually really, really good. He has really been making an effort because he can tell that I've been a little depressed. He's been around a lot, and he's been very sweet and attentive.

Maybe that's the problem? Maybe I told myself, "Well, gee, if my husband were just around more, I wouldn't be so lonely and I could forget about the XMM?" But now that I'm getting what I want, the void is still there?

Other factors -- I'm physically not feeling good; it's just allergies, but I've had a horrendous sinus headache for 3 days and that is really bringing me down. Add the PMS to it, and I'm just not myself.

Also, it's been a few weeks since I got that stupid joke email out of the blue from him, and I guess I have been assuming that there would be more of *something* to follow. And while I don't relish the thought of hearing from him, I thought it would give me a chance to prove to him and to myself that I was really ready to move on. I still feel like I'm in limbo, waiting for the shoe to drop, waiting to hear from him, whether I want to or not.

And I'm just feeling restless, just like I'm not quite where I want to be in my life. Just finished a big nonprofit project, now I feel like I have nothing important going on, and I feel like I want to do something of importance. Whereas my day-to-day life just seems so humdrum these days.

Honestly, I do feel much better today than I did yesterday morning. Had a great afternoon with my kids yesterday, got a lot of stuff accomplished last night and this morning, and just feel a little more at ease.

Wow. Thanks for making me think more about it, I really think it helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
In reply to: claricews
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 2:16pm
I'm all over that "humdrum" thing! That's been the story of my life, which is very common among addicts. I can't live life like other people do; I've got to have something more. You would think that after all the turmoil in my life the past few years (there's so much more going on that has absolutely nothing to do with this board so I won't share it here, but the majority of it involves my children) I would be glad for my every day life and see the blessing that it is. My DH and I are happily rebuilding our 18 year marriage, he makes alot of $ and we just hired an architect to rebuild our house, my law practice is going great, plus I have the advantage of working on my own terms since no one except for my clients really cares what I do, I've got almost 19 months clean and sober, without all the time I spent sneaking around with OMM I've actually got time to do some things for myself (manicures, pedicures, etc.). What's wrong with me that this isn't enough?????? I really understand that its not my DH. The problem - and the answer - lie with me. Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
In reply to: claricews
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 8:52pm
Hi Katie,

Just wanted to send you a quick note to say I am thinking of you and I hope you are feeling better.

The Key Word: RESTLESS. Restless is a terrible feeling isnt it?? I hate that feeling. I often get that too. Looking for more and feeling restless. I guess that may be one of the reasons we got involved in these A's huh? Maybe we were feeling bored and restless. Looking for something to focus on and keep our minds occupied. Well it sure has kept our minds occupied now hasnt it. It was much more fun when it was a good occupied. Oh Well.

Sorry about your allergies...my H has them and he is miserable in the month of May. UGH! As for PMS, we all must be on the same cycle it seems. I got the same thing going on...its amazing how those hormones can kick in and make us loopy huh?

Feel good. Big hugs...running to see AI. Woo! Hoo!

xo!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
In reply to: claricews
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 7:26am
Dipss, after last night, I am swearing off AI for good! Jasmine is still in it??? Grrr....
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
In reply to: claricews
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 11:37am
I KNOW!!! I KNOW!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??? I was so upset last night. I love Latoya!Jasmine is beautiful but c'mon!!??? GRRRRR....is right!

I have no clue who will win it.