MC without a D-Day
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MC without a D-Day
| Sat, 09-12-2009 - 12:23pm |
Hi all. I hope I don't seem like a broken record here. It would just really be helpful to hear from veterans who have rebuilt their marriages - through marriage counseling or alone - without having had a D-Day? Is it actually possible? Don't you always feel that there is some massive secret between you that makes commitment and intimacy impossible? Has anyone been successful? Any advice would be welcome. Thank you!

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
E1, I swear you could be a therapist. You are so right about me putting up a guard. I've lived my entire life with it - and the amazing thing about therapy is that I always thought I was the opposite, the one who let everything out, who spoke about anything. I only realized after T that I do that as to "seem" to be the most open person on earth when in reality the way I act is just a way to control the situation (I let out certain things to certain people, etc.) (As an aside, one thing I've realized is that if I go into T declaring that a certain thing is a certain way or that I feel a certain way, I swear I eventually come to realize that I'm usually feeling the exact opposite of what I say and believe in a particular moment.) I also love your analysis about XAP being a 'not perfect' guy. I'm so glad you said that cuz it's helped me turn around something in my head. I always thought I chose him as XAP because I would be afraid of him in real life. He is the kind of successful career guy, not family oriented, and the kind of guy I'd always wonder about having an affair. My H is the "safe" guy - yeah, of course ANYONE, as we all know here, can fall into an affair, but I'd be really surprised my H ever did, he's family first always, he does NOT put his career first. I allowed all of this to let my doubts grow: "wait," I'd say to myself, "did I choose the safe guy and now I'm missing out on all this passion, because I was afraid to be with someone who would challenge me, or who might leave me?" You've given me a new way to think about it. Anyway, thank you again for everything you give to this board. And I will look up those old posts now.
Hi GC,
Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad I could help in some small way. Hope the other thread helped answer some of your questions.
Much love,
E1
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.