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| Fri, 10-29-2004 - 11:07pm |
I am SOOOO glad I have had a chance to come back and post. At first I was just plain embarassed and then I got busy.
Well, I had it in the bag. I had it whipped...it was EASY...I was feeling fine for 2 whole days...I was planning on changing my name from Need2... and then I looked out the window at work and it was all rainy and gloomy. Then someone mentioned in an email that I should email XMM a question about something I was trying to get an answer to (this person didn't know I was trying to not contact him). Well, you all know the rest of the story. Here we go AGAIN.
I was having such a RELAXING time at work with the NC. No pressure and stress filled emailing and reading into things and innuendos from him, no secret, painful phone calls. And then I legitimize this little excuse to email him (I didn't really have to know the answer to the question I was asking right away and I could have waited and asked someone else).
I see his name in the email from my coworker and my heart starts pounding, hands shaking and I email the question to him...BOOM send button is hit...no turning back....
I didn't get an immediate response and boom I send ANOTHER email curtly thanking him for his "timely response". Then he finally emails me back to "not get my panties in a bunch" that he needed some time to get the answer to my question. The mention of panties, of course, takes us into forbidden territory. We start flirting and by the end of the morning I am calling him crying. He tells me he is "tired of this nonsense". He tells me he knew I would contact him, I always say I'm not going to and I do. Then he tells me his wife (who slept with someone one time a year ago) said to him "you have been nicer to me lately...you must have gotten yours" (she told him when she confessed her indiscretion that the only way things would be even between them is if he did the same to her). So anyway, that FLOORED me...first he is being mean to her at home? he has been cheating for 9 months with me and is being mean to her at home on top of it? And then I am seen as his "revenge" I guess? (he denies that is what our A was all about but I can't help feeling like that).
He never answered her question about him "getting his" I guess he wants her to squirm....
Well, it ended up that he had to go and was going to call me back. Half hour before I had to leave for the day STILL no phone call and I thought...why am I putting myself through this? So I send him another email and I say:
3 days, 5 months, a year, I don't know when or if I'll ever be able to speak to you again.
He emails back that he will gladly wait as long as I need to "save our friendship". Then we got into an argument because I said I was glad I could help him and his W even the score...glad I could be of service..
Needless to say it wasn't a nice ending (which I think some of us need to get through the rough part).
So he is calling the way I feel "nonsense" and knows I'll contact him, I always do...
His wife is on the edge of finding out (if ANYTHING he'll say he had a one night stand GUARANTEE IT)...
All this happened Wednesday. I had NC all of Thursday. I am rolling into feeling great with NC today (Friday) and after lunch WHO EMAILS ME????? ONE GUESS! He says he knows I don't want to talk to him and I don't have to respond to the email. He says he is sorry to have ever brought any pain to my life and doesn't want things to end badly like this. He wants to be friends and hopes in the future we can and how me not contacting him is "silly". And then tells me he hopes I get to go trick or treating with my kids and to have a good weekend and says "bye" and then his name.
I DID NOT EMAIL BACK which is UNHEARD OF for me! Before his emailing me would have got me going into the cycle ALL over again but somehow I chose not to and didn't.
Can someone please tell me why he is doing this when I am apparently upset? I was falling apart on the phone with him and I told him I was DONE talking to him for a long time and then he emails me? WHY WHY WHY????? Is it because now he has to get off of the drug he was using (me) so he didn't have to face the obvious problems in his marriage that he gladly ignored while I was entertaining him daily (oh, except the weekends and evenings, of course)? I really really don't think his emailing me has anything to do with me, it all has to do with him (lost control of the relationship because I ended contact? Is he just bored at work?) CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME PLEASE???? Why can't they leave us alone when we say, don't call me, I'll call you?????

Can you say NARRSIST, the truth is a very large number of CHEATING MARRIED MEN are NARRSISTS, they cannot accept that there conquest would every chose to leave them, these are emotionally stunted men that lack empathy for other people and feel nothing when they hurt others.
It has diddly scute to do with you or his wife it is totally about his internal insicuities, he feels very very afraid inside and contoling and conquring you was a way to medicate those feelings.
you should read BEBG post.\
Free
Yes I had read her post prior to your suggesting I do so and thought the same thing regarding the similarities. Very bizarre. Even down to the emailing her and acting like all was well, the whole taking down to friends thing. It is so odd that they can just go to that mode w/o a thought. Kind of down right creepy, actually.
I guess that was what confused me during the A...they are not leaving the W but still sleeping with you? So you are attracted to this guy so he must be a good person, because you are, right? You figure they must be sleeping with you because they are so in love and can't stop and can't leave the W and kids (these guys have morals and standards and can't desert their families) but it is really all about THEM having their cake and eating it too. You and the W are just, well, cake...an inanimate object.
What many of these guys have is really an emotional illness, to satisfy this illness they need to suck people into there lives, I expect it starts with less damaging relationships but works its way up to wrecking womens lives over time, so by the time they get to these women they have had a lot of practice manipulating people, they learn like a fisherman when to give out some slack and then how to play the fish back in only they do it with women.
You will find that many of them are real ladder climbers in there place of work because they know how to blow smoke up peoples backsides.
Free
OH MY GOD YES!
We had an overnight meeting....a chance for us to sneak some time together in (read:IC)in a nice room at a lodge that we didn't even have to pay for. We kept waffling about if we should be together that night and then the typical back and forth crap....Me,"this isn't right" and him talking me into it. Then him saying this isn't right and me talking him into it. He was going to have a romantic set up for me, he wan't going to socialize with anyone...just he and I...well, gee, guess what happened? Comes to my room before the meeting that night for a quickie and then our romantic evening? He packs this huge poker set and has all the big wigs in the company over to his room for poker! Guess who gets left out in the dust that night? You got it. So that night he fot to play "poke her" AND poker. There he goes with the cake again. It was more important for him to smoozh then to take that perfect romantic opportunity to be with me! Yes, he IS a ladder climber.
When I first started talking to him I didn't really care for him because he came off as so cocky. Then when you peel back the layers he has a lot of insecurities. He seems to get upset a lot because one guy or another may pay attention to his wife. He was going to go after one guy with a ball bat. Who does these things, I mean really?
THANK YOU OH LOVE GOGGLE SUCTION CUP TAKER OFF-ER!
You da bum diggity
Need2
I completely agree with you - our MMs are very similar and have landed us in similar situations. I too feel that it is helpful to know that other women are dealing with the same madness. My MM is definitely a ladder climber at work - his career is truly inspirational & he's built it all himself. But he's also super insecure. He needs his ego stroked literally 24/7. He's exhausting. He's also very confusing b/c he ranges from cruel to highly sympathetic/kind to loving to moody and everything in between. I'm trying to deal with disassociating myself from him & it's hard even though I know the bag of crap he brings along. I hope you are doing well & feeling strong today.
Take care, Blue-eyed