The mean things your MM does/did
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| Mon, 11-29-2004 - 3:36pm |
As I read various posts and threads on this board, I am struck by what seems to be a similar situation through most of the affairs everyone talks about. It seems that many others have experienced what I did: a charming, captivating MM, but one who could turn on you either agressively (making YOU feel guilty for being in A) or passive-agressively (spending a lot of time with W, breaking plans).
Who here has experienced this?
My MM did not like me to date anyone else, much less go out to the bars/clubs with friends when he wasn't with me, even though he had a W at home. After we broke up and still had to work together (but stayed away from each other in our own offices and only communicated through e-mail) and initiated NC, he contacted me on a couple of occassions telling me he missed me desperately and wanted to commit suicide out of desperation. When I refused to engage his communication with me after promising his W I would not pursue him, he got so angry that he typed a page-long letter to me telling me what a horrible person I was, that he suddenly had the realization he never even liked me, much less loved me. He told me the relationship with me was all about its physical nature and that I took advantage of him when he had two young children at home and a sexless marriage. (Just to clarify, he was my much senior boss in a firm where I was 11 years younger than him...he was essentially my mentor...he came on to me so strongly I felt like I couldn't say no because of the working relationship--DUMB). During times during our 7-month relationship when he would try to break up with me, he had been similarily mean, blaming me for the predicament he was in (being desperately in love with me, but felt too guilty to leave his W). Of course, after all that's been said and done (affair is over, I quit job, moved out of state) and have since moved on with my life, he has e-mailed apologizing for what he said and said I hurt HIM for not reciprocating his pleas to come back to him. I ignored all of it.
But just curious....how many of you have experienced a Jekkyl and Mr. Hyde with your MM?

SP,
Not the exact same situation, but my xOM was/is a Dr. Jekyle/Mr. Hyde type also.
He was/is single, and I was/am married. Throughout our A, he was very sweet, loving, compassionate. He told me I was the first person he ever said I love you too and the first person he ever considered marriage with. He would email me, call me, voicemail me 157 times a day. We would talk on the phone for hours! We spent our lunches together, met after work, etc. AFTER the A, he became a total jerk. Has now decided that he is no longer in love with me and just wants to use me for sex. Said he no longer cares about my feelings and that he is 'over it'. Once said that if I cheated on my H with him, why should he believe that I wouldn't do the same thing if he and I were together. He use to tell me that he felt bad about being in the A but he thought he deserved to love someone and be loved and have the connection that we had. The last time we were together, my H called and xOM freaked out and said "what we were doing was wrong". He use to tell me that he couldn't picture his life without me and that I was one of the most important people in his life. I went from that to a booty call all in a matter of a few months!
Obviously, you can tell by my username I am a bit of a prima donna. I'm very selective about my hair, makeup and clothing. xOM use to love that. He would walk by the store where I get my makeup and "think about the shade of my lipstick". Suddenly now he thinks I'm "uppity". During one of our last 'arguments' he said he use to think it was cute and now it's just annoying!
In all fairness, I think, to some degree, that I have changed too. Towards the end of the A, when he started to pull away, I became very clingy and needy of him (which was SO unlike me). Anway, I don't understand it, but it's there all the same! I've been saying that alot lately...
Diva