MEFREENOW...need advise AGAIN

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
MEFREENOW...need advise AGAIN
5
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 9:21am

i have really tried to get over the whole A thing. and i have gotten better although i have had a hard time sticking 100% to NC. i realize that i wish i had his friendship someone to talk to. i think that after being intimate with him i am having a hard time making him a part of my past.

my H is a wonderful person. but i dont feel the same anymore. i cant seem to find any love for him. when we make love its like feeling raped.

i am very hurt from the A. i learned to trust OM and he ended things with me and has not emailed or called again.

with OM i got the attention i was not getting from H. and i miss that.

i dont know how to move on. i go through life sad and depressed.

i went to 2 counseling sessions and i dont feel they helped.

we have 2 kids. for them i want to stay together as a family. i dont want to take the happiness away from them. for me i wish i could just be alone and heal.

what can i do to get over this A?

how do you get back the love you had for DH?

thanks for listening
upsidedown

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2004
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 10:57am

upsidedownfor him,
Sorry this isn't mefree, but just wanted to reply to you as well.

<<<>>>>
Give him as much love and attention you want to receive and it will come back to you as well. I swear to you, try this, it has almost a 95% success rate!

"If you can't be with the one you love,love the one your with!"
Crosby, Stills and Nash

~nutt

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 11:43am

Hi ups,

Hunny I have to agree with Nutmeg. Try it. In a sense its what I did with hubby. And my marriage is not perfect but there is a lot lot more affection between the two of us than ever before. Maybe your hubby senses you dont want him either. Talk to him it can only help, be spontaneous with him. Try to rekindill that love and forget about OM. You know its over now just work on rebuilding what you once had with hubby. Give it your best,if you dont try it is never going to work........ ITS UP TO YOU. If you say hubby is a great guy then he is the one you need to focus on.

Free I am sorry I intruded, I know this is for you, but I just had to say something to my good friend ups....

Take Care
Ladybug

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 1:30pm

USD/LADIES

Love is a decision it is not just some romantic feeling, decide to love your husband then act like you do, Talk to him about everything I don't just mean problems I mean everything your day his day everything.

2 visits with a counclor is not even enought to do proper prep work...GO BACK and keep going back tell you get the answers you need.

100 percent NC is something you need to accomplish every contact is going to push you backward.

The fact that he ended it is going to make it harder but you can recover from this.

USD the man was never your friend if he was he would not have risked you marriage and family for any reason at all you don't do that to friends.

Keep posting dear

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 9:18am

caps, thanks for your reply. my counselor said the same thing about loving him and showing him love and then in turn i would feel love from him. i have to keep trying this, i have not given it my all.

ladybug, thanks for your reply. im always glad to hear from you. im glad things have worked out for you. i want things to work out for me too. i want to feel happy again.

free, thanks for your advise. it has been really hard for me to shaow any emotions to DH i guess because i was sooo hurt. id like to think OM was my friend. but deep inside i know that what you are saying is true.

it has been VERY hard for me. i know i have to stick to NC in order to make it. i have a lot of healing to do....and im glad i have you guys to help me through it.

upsidedown

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 3:57am

Also, I wanted to add, that if you really want a reply from just one person, you can email that person. Here we want replies from everyone :-)

But I have to address this feeling raped thing. That is pretty harsh. Not to mention disrespectful to your H and to women who have actually been through the HORROR of rape. You've made babies with this man, and believe it or not ( and most people do not ) kids pick up on things.

You want to stay together for them, when in reality it could be more harmful for them living in a loveless, phoney house. You don't think they notice the distance? or that you've been banging some other guy.. kids know. Separated families that are honest with their children do just as good as families that stay together.

Don't kid yourself. If you ever loved that man, and once enjoyed being with him, go back to counceling, get some more help, but don't expect a miracle.