Memories and thoughts of EXMM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Memories and thoughts of EXMM
5
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 6:42am
My husband & I celebrated our 20 yr. anniversary this past weekend, went out of town and spent 3 days, just the two of us, it was great. We had a great time, stayed so busy,going and doing things the whole time. It was so good to feel the closeness that we shared.

Thoughts of EXMM popped into my head all weekend, I told myself not to think of him, but they kept coming back.

How is it that you can love your spouse so much, but do something that could cause them so much pain?

I wonder how long thoughts of EXMM will keep popping into my head, will there always be little triggers that remind me of him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 8:48am
The memories do fade with time. I did something recently that helped me so much. The first time XMM hugged me we were standing on a dirt road just next to our neighborhood. We were admiring a wonderful view of the city we live in, the moon and stars when he came up behind me and put his arms around me. We stood there for a long time just talking. A few weeks ago, I walked to this road and with the wind blowing on me, I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and said goodbye to him. I stood there for a few minutes with tears in my eyes just letting the wind take it all away. I know it probably sounds weird, but it helped.

Up until this point, I was still hoping that I hadn't lost my friend. I have been over the A for quite some time, just still not over losing the friendship. Life goes on and who knows what the future may hold. I do know that my future will never have an A in it.

Best of luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 1:49pm
When you figure this one out, please do let me know! This baffled me all weekend. My marriage is going along great. We're rebuilding alot, having fun together, even some intimacy. We run together, we have for years. So we were out running 7 miles on Sunday morning and we talked alot about our relationships with other people during the time we were "separated." It feels good to vent to DH, but obviously I can't be 100% honest with him about my feelings because that would be causing harm. And what are my feelings? Darned if I really know! Some days - no, actually some moments of the day - I miss OMM so much I could cry. Some days it feels like it was just a dream. I certainly don't want to do anything to jeopardize my marriage again. DH is absolutely the love of my life and soulmate. Yet, how in the world could I be so happy with DH (we've been married 18 years, congrats on 20!!) and share so much but still have these whacked out thoughts about OMM??? It makes no sense to me, but thanks for sharing that at least I'm not alone! Love, Maureen

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 3:54pm
tempted, I know exactly what you mean. I think the best thing we can do is be patient -- time seems to lessen those unexpected thoughts and feelings. I had a fun, busy weekend with my family, and at the end of it all I realized that the XMM barely popped into my mind at all -- and when he did, it was because I was thinking about how nice it was to let my H use my cell phone and not have to worry about him finding a message from XMM on it! :)

I still miss him, but slowly I'm beginning to believe with all of my heart that we are both better off this way, and that I would never go back to the A. That makes it easier to handle those thoughts of him when they sneak up on me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 4:16pm
Hi Tempted, I'm having a really hard time TODAY getting thoughts of MM out of my head. I just feel really jumpy/anxious today over things. NC into 3rd week now.

Hope this feeling passes. I was doing pretty good up until now. Take care,

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 4:23pm
when thoughts of xmm pop into my mind, i mother myself by saying: You are not allowed to think of that person!" It usually works. There are other times, though, when i do like remembering him or things about him or time we spent together.

I do a little of both; it depends what kind of day i am having. Often i feel strong enough to think about him in a past tense sort of way; other days, i don't.

Clarice