Men..I need help!!
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Men..I need help!!
| Tue, 07-13-2004 - 4:43pm |
I've posted here before and back then, my married "friend" had ended our relationship. We've known eachother for a year and finally in the end of june he ended it again saying he needs to let me go...marry me off, were his exact words. anyway, i abided by his rules and didn't contact him. a week later he calls me and acts like nothing has happened. He said he knows he is a hipocrite because he told me not to call him anymore and here he is calling me. He told me that he needs to figure things out...he said i need to spend the night with you and then you go home and i go home and I figure things out. He said that if I can "get him" he will give in and surrender completely. But here I am, poor stupid girl, thinking this guy is falling for me and has realized that he wants me in his life, I mean after a week of no contact he'd still been thinking about me. Anyway, on july 4th we met up. I drove all the way out somewhere close to where he was at the time, to be convenient for him, and safe for us, way away from where we both live. basically we had sex, just once. he had told me that the was going to spend the night with me...then after the sex, he started talking like why did i have to like him, and that i would be another life for him and he cannot handle that now...after one year of pursuing he now realizes this.....anyway then he said that he cannot stay the night. but he said that he will return in the morning with breakfast because he wanted to have breakfast with me. he said call me when you wake up and i'll be here. i couldn't believe that he was leaving but i let him go because he said that he told the wife he was working and needed to call her from that number. anyway, he left at 4am.....never returned and never called me back. he had told me in the past that when he has sex with someone he doesn't call them back. he told me that he is just warning me and that it might happend with me. knowing that, i didn't want to do that with him because i wanted him in my life. then all of the sudden he calls me after breaking it off and he is the one who says lets do this, like he just needed to get it out of his system. it has been exactly one week and i only tried calling him that same day, july 5th, all day calling him, because here i am thinking something terrible has happened...he said he was going to come back. he had turned his phone off all morning and afternoon. then he started to reject my calls. i left him a few messages, just asking, not even angry because i was worried more than anything else, if everything was okay. I didn't call him again all week, thinking oh my god, i can't believe that this is happening to me. i didn't mean anything to him, because in the end he did to me what he has done to others in his past. everything he had said, all the moments...they were all lies. lies that lead to that day where he got what he wanted and dumped me. I finally called him this sunday, by blocking my number, he answered it and when he heard it was me, he just took a deep breath. basically he told me that he wanted to live in the moment and that he had told me in the past that he was an a-hole and that he wasn't going to call me after sex, he said i've told you that when i have sex with someone i don't call them back. anyway, he said that he was busy and that he would call me back, but of course never did, i called him 2 hours later and again he rejected the call. i will not call him again. i don't need to call someone who doesn't want to talk to me. but i just don't understand. please if any men are reading this, please could you tell me if this is normal, and what it means for me...meaning was i really nothing to him and everything was a lie. he had told me that i gave him peace of mind and that i was comfort for him, but also very dangerous, because he didn't want to get too comfortable with someone. he had called me destiny and that he runs from destiny. i just can't get myself together. i feel like a zombie. everytime i think of the moments we've had i'm okay, then when i remember this last week, i feel like i want to kill myself...not literally, but i just can't catch my breathe. he has broken my heart in the worst way a person can. i can not believe that he left me in the hotel and never returned and never even called to say i'm sorry i made a mistake, please don't wait for me. he didn't even have the decentcy to do that. what type of man does this, what type of human does this? has this happened to anyone else? please help me, somebody please help me!

fancy
Don't quit on us yet. Not too many post on here during the day....it's slow. You will get responses. Hang tight. Unfortunately, I don't see many men on here at all....
What he did you to was extrememly cold and cruel. You put your heart out there and he stomped on it. I'm sorry. He's an A**hole. Try to look past the humiliation and remember that you gave it one last shot. NOW....let it go. He's a user, a manipulator, a game-player, and you became just another notch in his belt buckle. Please read as much as you can on this board, as you will see that we ALL have done stupid embarrassing things for these jerks. Try to forgive yourself....
Hugs,
Id
Most of all, if he calls again, ignore him. He brought you down to his level, don't let him do it again. You deserve so much better than he is capable of giving you or his wife. Imagine what it must be like for her to be married to a man like this. Thank God you can be done with him with a snap of a finger.
Keep positive thoughts!!
~Love
Male response here:
Some others posted already to have patience for answers from board posters. I agree with that comment. We all have lives and share our time here voluntarily, so snap answers don't usually occur.......
As for your questions regarding xMM.....
"what type of man does this, what type of human does this? has this happened to anyone else?"
My impression of men like this are that they are selfish and only interested in getting laid, so they lie to get what they want. Some men like the "hunt" and once the "conquest" begins to bore them they move on to the next target for another sample of different bed games. And they'll tell you everything you need to hear to get you to drop your drawers and then more lies to keep your drawers dropped....Such preying is very cruel to the woman as well as totally disrespectful. And yes, it's happened to many other women. And men, too.
You "fell in love with him". Really? Or did you fall in love with the idea of a life with him moreso than the person?
"poor stupid girl"? Is this how you see yourself? Really? Let's start with your self-assessment. I think you're not stupid. I think you were looking for love and kindness and for reasons known to you chose to have a relationship with a man you knew was not completely available to you. I suggest you consider the reasons you used to convince yourself that you were worth only a part-time life. And a hidden one at that.
Before you beat yourself up any further over the experience of this uncaring lout, I suggest you give yourself full permission to be angry for being deceived, forgive yourself for mistaken trust, and move on with your life, alittle more cautious the next time.
Use your time to have a relationship with a single man. One who values you enough to be honest with you and treat you with respect.
And be available to you 24/7........
Don't settle for anything less. You're worth it.........
cl-nre
Please re-read the last 5 lines/paragraphs of my first post to you, beginning with "poor stupid girl" and following commentary.
Pay attention to what I wrote.
Follow the suggestions,
pick yourself up
and STOP the self-bashing...........
you WILL heal.
When you choose to start healing yourself.
My heart goes out to you, i know exactly how you are feeling but time will heal. Just not before you let it by first forgiving yourself.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}
You are NOT stupid! I'm sure you knew that this wasn't the best thing for yourself, but you chose to ignore your instincts instead--hey, we all do it and you've just gotta learn from it. You are a genuine, kind, caring person, that's why you told him, "I love you." There is nothing lacking in you, you are not second best, or second choice--and HE is the stupid one for treating you the way that he did; you did NOT deserve that and he does NOT deserve you! Not one more second of YOUR precious time! What he did was all about control; he wanted to control how he ended things and feel as if he has the upper hand and feel as if he conquered you. Is that a guy thing? Yes, it generally seems to be, but not ALL guys do this. Consider yourself blessed to be rid of him now. It's perfectly natural and human to want to care for someone and be cared for and you can't hate yourself for looking for that. Take some time now to be by yourself and with yourself so that you can start realizing for yourself what a great woman you are and that you are worth SO much more! When you believe it, you will attract someone who believes it as well. Lots of hugs to you,
Rusty