messed up

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
messed up
7
Wed, 07-07-2010 - 5:48pm

I have only the energy to write that I have messed up.


I have not written here in a long time.


I cannot get into any details because I am too worn out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
In reply to: tihg
Wed, 07-07-2010 - 6:08pm

hi tihg,


It is never too late to start over again. We all have messed up, you are not alone.


Are you able to go for a swim or draw (any hobby you love)?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
In reply to: tihg
Wed, 07-07-2010 - 6:09pm

"I have been here before, I did make incredible progress'

Dear tihg,

((hugs))

I am sorry that I don't know your story, if and when you feel ready, some of those details may help us support you.

What I would like to say, is that even you can see that you have made progress - and that reaching out to him at a time of weakness does nothing but cause further harm. My heart seriously aches for you - I know what you are feeling, because I have truly been there and done that. I am now 7 months from the first serious attempt at NC, 5 months from the second attempt after he said he was leaving W and changed his mind, and a week away from 3 months of almost complete NC. I got drawn back in each and every time like you do. Thought I was okay to see him (we worked together) ... so I would return to our office, and within minutes would find myself wrapped up in his problems since his Dday - and I would end up comforting him until he 'had' to go home. I would feel so empty. Lower than low. And it would begin all again. That fresh feeling of oozing wounds. He stayed just long enough to ensure I was hurting too. He would see me get stronger, pull away, and bring on the drama he would. When I finally said enough, he got angry with me. Now, I have left my work with him and I believe he is (just) starting to get the picture.

I am so sorry you are experiencing those terrible symptoms of withdrawl. You know you'll get through it though - that's the amazing thing about experience. It reminds me of the first time I tried to train to run a marathon - each longer distance scared the crap outta me because I had never gone that distance. I did end up running that marathon. Then I took a couple years off. Now I am back, but you know what - those same distances don't scare me, because I remind myself that I have 'been there' and survived and it will get better. So your facing familiar feelings, but you are NOT learning to run the distance for the first time. Don't panic - you have the skills to dig yourself outta this. We're here for you.

So - I am wondering how he got to you? Like, how did he make contact? You say you are waiting for emails and texts - he isn't blocked? Block & walk tihg - let that be the first thing you do to take your power back!

I am cheering for you. You can do this.

TU.

ps: let this serve as an important reminder to us all - that we will never be ready to engage with xAP on any level! (except for work of course and then and only then!!)

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
In reply to: tihg
Wed, 07-07-2010 - 6:20pm

tihg,

Sending big hugs to you in your time of need. So sorry you messed up, but tomorrow is day one of NC = NO contact and NO new hurts.

You came back to the board for compassion and support. We are all here for you.

TAKE care of YOU!

Movingon

MovingON

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
In reply to: tihg
Wed, 07-07-2010 - 6:26pm

Hi tihg-

Step one- post here (check)
Step two- accept that what is done is done and start a new
Step three- initiate full self protection- by that I mean, block and walk. It is the only way to move forward, as you have expressed you'd like to do.

You now know what reaching out to him does. It pulls you back into that terribly painful cycle. Only you have the strength to pull yourself back out, but we will all be behind you every step of the way. Since you've initiated no contact before, you know what to expect in the days ahead. It's going to hurt, no doubt about that, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you are determined to break free once and for all. It is the only choice. And it is your choice to make. And just remember, every time you feel down, that the lows on this side of the A are more tolerable than the lows on the inside. Each day is a new day now- a chance to move forward- a chance to get your life back.

Hugs,

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: tihg
Wed, 07-07-2010 - 6:30pm

Tihg,


Hi. I remember you well and am so sorry you find yourself here again.


<<-Contacted him in a weak momemt because I believe I could handle it. lol>>


May I ask why you thought you could handle it? No matter how strong we think we are down the road, any contact is saying

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
In reply to: tihg
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 6:22am

You all couldn't have said it better. I do know the drill.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2008
In reply to: tihg
Fri, 07-16-2010 - 5:46am

tihg,


I do remember you and don't know if I ever told you this, but many of your words are what got me to the point that I'm at today.