Milestone & Dilemma
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| Mon, 10-25-2004 - 2:46pm |
My dilemma -- XMM recently moved to a small town across the country, which happens to be the same small town a mutual friend of ours lives in. This mutual friend is getting married in a few months and I am invited to the wedding. I do not think XMM will make the cut as far as getting an invite, but I still hate the thought of spending a whole weekend in his little town, looking over my shoulder constantly; I do not want to be put in the position of running into him, EVER again. I know for those of you who live in the same town as your X, or those that still work with your X, this probably seems silly and trivial... But I don't know what to do about this wedding. I am leaning towards skipping it, but feel guilty about doing that... I feel like this is my very last hurdle to jump in my recovery!

Now for your dilemma. When I read it, I am kinda amazed that you dont want to go cuz' you dont want to see him. At this point, I think I would use it as an excuse to go just so I could see him, but this is today...we will see how I would feel in a year. So enough about that...
I think if this friend means alot to you then you should go. Ask yourself would you have gone to this wedding if this xMM was not in the picture. If the answer is "yes" then I ask you why you would allow him to affect your decision in sharing an important day of your friend? Make any sense at all?
Ok, just curious again...cuz' I know myself...I would have this fantasy of going...running into the xMM...wearing a drop dead gorgeous outfit...looking absolutely terrific and showing him how I am unaffected by his presence. Ok, so that would be silly fantasty. Do you have that thought at all?
I think I am rambling...but my 2 cents, is you go. Not sure if you are planning to take your H with you but I think you should and go have a great time.
Sorry if this is a little confusing. Sick today and my head feels like its gonna explode.
xo!
Dipss
You're doing wonderfully, honey, you really are. Naive? Who could've guessed when we started these journeys 9 months ago that the feelings weren't going to evaporate into thin air like we wished/hoped?
Personally, I've been struggling quite a bit and I think I need to post about it. I'm going along just fine, rebuilding my marriage, and for some reason like a bolt of lightening these thoughts of XMM become so overwhelming I just don't know what to do with myself. UGH. I hate it. It's so uncomfortable until the urge passes. I know enough to know that it's not about XMM. It's not because he's so wonderful and I desperately need him back in my life. It's because I'm just a little screwed up...
Good luck getting thru the rest of today and with making this decision whether to attend the meeting. You're hanging tough, and I have every confidence you'll do the right thing either way... Love, Mo.
I don't think your question is at all obnoxious. I think it is a valid question. No, I really don't hurt anymore. You'll notice that I'm not here asking for support or advice anymore, most of the time! I come back here for several reasons, though. A.) I like you people, and when I go away for a few days, I wonder about what I've missed. I don't want to miss anything! :) B.) It's a habit!!! C.) It makes me feel good to sometimes impart what "knowledge" I've gained from my whole experience; if I can help someone else in their recovery process at all, then perhaps the whole bloody mess was not in vain, if that makes sense...
It's funny, I *did* used to fantasize about showing up at this wedding and having him eat his heart out. ;-) But now, I would just rather stay away. I don't want to reopen old wounds that are finally closing. Not enough time has passed yet for it to be easy or harmless; I get a sick feeling in my stomach just thinking about seeing him again. I think I have done this well BECAUSE I haven't seen him or heard much from him. Mo, I think some of your struggles come from the semi-recent breaks in No Contact, when he text messaged you. That would keep me from moving forward faster, I know it would.
This friend is a good friend; she originally asked me to be in her wedding, but has since scaled it way down in size and is not having any attendants. So unless I have a very good excuse, I do feel obligated to go. However, she has also changed her wedding date several times, very recently, so I think she would understand if I could not make it.
Just thought I'd mention -- if I go, I would DEFINITELY bring my DH with me! :)
I agree with Nuts, but would add keep it short even with DH there.
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