the milestones......
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| Tue, 01-20-2004 - 7:42am |
and now it's the various milestones that are just tearing at my heart as they occur......first it was new year's eve......now my birthday is approaching, and the anticipation has been so painful, knowing that this is yet another milestone type day that will come and go and i won't hear from him......and of course there's that part of me that's hoping i do hear from him, and i'm sure that's where the anxiety is coming from.....having that day pass without any contact from him at all......i am literally living for this day to come and go, and just have it over with, and try to go on......and there's other times like that to get through.....this past weekend we were supposed to go away for my birthday, for the fifth year in a row.....it was a difficult weekend to get through......i just can't bear each and every one of these days that are coming up during this first year of being apart......his birthday, and all of our various anniversaries......the day we met, the first time we made love, the first weekend we spent together....the dates and memories seem endless, and having to survive each one seems like a monumental task i'm just not up to.....can't i fast forward my life and be past it all?
thanks for listening.........ada

You'll get there. Hang in & stay strong. The only way to make it, darn it, is one day at a time.
You WILL get there & you'll look back at this post and feel sad for the person you were, but you won't even remember how the hurt felt. You'll remember it was bad but that gut wrenching, cold feeling isn't something you'll relive. You'll feel SO good to be free and feel good about yourself again. You'll get there!
Good luck to you!
I am so sorry about this past weekend. That had to be so terribly hard. I know what you mean about the milestones and reminders. I am also struggling with same issues with NC. One day I am strong and determined and the very next I feel horrible. I think that part of your anxiety is about your birthday. I find myself thinking ahead to certain milestones and thinking that "maybe I will hear from him". After the day passes, and I don't hear from him, I am sad. I realize that there are still some "what if's" that keep me going. The thing is, if we do hear from them, what good will it do? We can't trust them at all. We don't know if their actions or words are sincere. I try to remind myself of the times that we were apart and I hoped that I would hear from him....and I did. Things still turned out bad. He repeated his same behavior over and over, as did I, by taking him back. Nothing had ever changed when I heard from him. He had not made any decisions about his life or his marriage. I think that it would just set us back into that horrible tailspin.
I am thinking of you.
Lostit
i just want to say thanks to everyone here on this board for all of your sensitive, compassionate, truthful words to all that look for support here.....hugs to all of you......ada
Sounds like you are going through "withdrawl"-the stage of yearning for your DOC (drug of choice-in this case your ex) It's really no different than any other addiction. I respectfully encourage you to reach out to either Coda-Codependent'd Anonymous or SLAA-Sex and Love Addicts Anon. They are free and will help you get over this by using a proven program which has helped people in the most dire of circumstances. I have seen it happen. I have yet to meet someone on here that has looked into this. This is an avenue that works, but it takes courage to look at yourself and why you would allow yourself to settle for someone who was unavailable to you. I promise you, you will change and become a healthier person. I know, I have been affair free for 2 years. It took a lot of work.
Good luck
i'm so glad for you that you have been affair free for 2 years, and are sounding very healthy.....we all need to hear the stories from those who have made it to the other side......thanks for coming back to share with all of us......ada
Edited 1/21/2004 9:25:43 PM ET by ada_j