Missing him
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| Thu, 03-03-2005 - 6:35pm |
I put this on the Affair board, but I guess it really fits more here since it's finally over :(
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I met my guy when he was separated from his wife. We were together for four months and then he moved back home because he missed his kids. We still went back and forth and couldn't stay away from each other. Just the beginning of February, we were together, but I couldn't take it anymore and told him that I didn't want to be the "other woman". When we started this, he kept saying he was gonna leave her - they'd already been discussing divorce, but couldn't afford it is why he didn't do it. He said that he went back for the kids and that she knows it and that they don't even sleep in the same room.
We also work together and sit facing each other every day. It's so hard doing that every day and not being able to be with him. I just miss him so much. I cry nearly every day and I don't know how to get over him and let go... I just don't understand how we could have been so wonderful together and it be all gone now.
After about two weeks of us not being any sort of lovey-dovey, I emailed him at work today and said that I missed him. I just wanted to see what he would say and if there was anything left. I asked him if he was over it and he said not completely but that he didn't really have any other choice right now. I just feel so stupid about even starting this in the first place. I never in a million years thought that I would be involved with a married man, or that I would think that it would actually work out for me. Since he was separated when we started, it didn't seem so bad, I guess. I just wish that I could get over it and get on with my life - but it's very hard when I have to see him and work closely with him every single day. I even have to hear him on the phone with his wife when she calls since we sit nearly right on top of each other.
It hurts so much :(

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TX
Is there any way you can get out of that office a transfer or job change, it will be very hard getting over this if you have to keep seeing him everyday.
Hon you don't want anything else to do with this guy until he can put a divorce decree in your hands signed by all parties involved, anything else and you stay the other woman.
Free
hi TX,
FREE is right
me - i can only tell u that u are not alone, i also work with OW, although not as close as u , about 20 feet , i too can hear her voice when her office door is open
fell the know in the stomach, nauseated and stuff, like your MM, OW also decided she could not leave her present situation, kid is the issue
maybe as your boss to move to another cube or space, i know it is hard, i take it u are single ?????
take care of yourself
amx
TX
What he is doing is keeping you on the back burner just in case things don't work out in the marriage, that is disrespectfull of your feelings and needs...it tells you about certian aspects of he personality you may not want to see.
Protect yourself.
Free
Yes, I'm single. I feel angry at him and stupid at myself most of all. It's like I knew that it was going to turn out this way, but he told me it wouldn't and I wanted him to prove me wrong. Instead he proved me right. Why is it that I think of all the good things that we had and the wonderful things he told me instead of all the crap? I think of those things and then just feel awful because what he told me he wanted with me is never going to happen now.
Asking to move my seat is not an option either. It would bring up too many questions, and even if people think something went on with us, I don't want to do anything that would give them a positive answer. I never ever ever thought that I would be with a married man. I am ashamed that I was involved with him. I would NEVER have been with him if he had been still living with her when we started this. He was separated and living at his parents while this went on and was talking of divorce so I didn't feel as bad.
I am ok with him for the most part when we are friendly and just acting like anyone else there. It just hurt me the other day when we were the only two there on Monday night and he barely said two words to me the whole time. It was like he was ignoring me. It hurt. Or if he says something that makes me feel stupid. He always says that he's teasing. I don't know why I still want him or love him when he treats me like this. It's hurtful since I remember how he used to be with me, and now it's different. That's what hurts the most.
fallon,
he is also hurting but if u constantly think of what he is thinking then it will driv eu crazy, i know i do that too
i know it hurts but we must move on, i wish u well, i know in time it will get better, i dont know when, i ask myself the same question, i work with OW and now we are not even talking to each other, its like i dont know her and she does not know me, we seldom talked although sometime she will still talk to me which in return will even make me more sad
keep yourself busy, i know its hard, especially if u are single and living alone, i am single too and living by myself, i am not saying the the other folks here that have thier H or W is doing better, we all have to deal with it, its lonely inside our hearts
pls take care,
max
Thanks Max. It's nice to get a guy's point of view on this. I'm ok at this moment right now. I know that come Monday when I have to go back to work and have him right there I will feel awful again. I wish that I could be one of those people that is ok by themselves, but I know that I won't be over this one until I am with someone else. I'm 27 and have only had 3 boyfriends including this one. I don't want to be by myself. I want to have someone. I miss being able to have that companionship with someone and the feeling of being loved and cherished. I just broke down last night because I thought of one time when he came over and was so gentle with me when we were together. I'd never actually been "made love to" before, and that's what he did. It was so beautiful... remembering it just broke me down.
There are all these things you aren't supposed to admit, but dammit, I am a woman who wants to have a man. I always thought that I would be married and on my first baby by this age. I want someone who will accept me for everything that I am - all my neuroses and quirks and love me for them. I don't want to get a man by playing games and pretending to be something I'm not just so he will like me. This guy is the first one that I was able to do that with. I was not trying to impress him at all when we met. In fact, I was trying to push him away because I had just broken up with my ex of 5 years and didn't want another guy at the time. Since I wasn't trying to impress him, I was completely myself and thought well if he doesn't like me, then I don't want him. But he did want me. He actually made me be more myself. That's what else is so hard about losing him... I'd never let myself let go that completely with someone before.
If the R causes you more pain it is definately not worth being in. I learned this the hard way and I wish I had known this before I started this A because it would have never happened.
The best advice I can give is to find a new job and get away from him. I knew when my MM left that it would be easier for me to let him go since he did not have the courage to tell me it was over. He just kept stringing me along and I let him. NOT anymore!!!!!!!!!!
Most MM never leave there W's for the other W and I have learned that on this Message board. It is not that they are not into us....just not willing to lose everything to be with us.
I think this hits very close to home: Most MM never leave there W's for the other W and I have learned that on this Message board. It is not that they are not into us....just not willing to lose everything to be with us.
I wish that quitting my job and finding another was an option, but it's just not right now. I don't have anywhere else to go and I just started here 6 months ago. I'm also stubborn and don't want to let him force me to quit. I know it's probably just adding more pain to me, but if I quit my job over this then I feel like I'm giving up and he's winning ... something. I really like my job, too, and I don't want to quit. As long as we are cordial and he doesn't try to flirt with me again in a couple of weeks (which at this point I think is far-fetched) then I will be ok. It may sound kinda weird, but I know that it's over and I am gonna have to deal with it.
fallon,
i just read this
" if we live for ourselves, the relationship with others will foster, but if we live for others then the relationship will falter"
how true this is for me, i put my life on hold for OW and now im messed up, i forgot about myself, did not even took care of myself, in the last 4 weeks i neglected myself and let myself spiral down to depression
now im trying to stand up again, i feel like i been beaten down to the ground and the worst part is i let myself get beaten down
i stil miss, i think of what she is doing right now as i write this post to u, but to be honest i dont feel anything emotionally right now, my stomach is full, i ate a big dinner, i dont feel nauseated anymore, i have not cried for about 3 days now
i still miss her and there is no moment in time that i dont think of her, the only difference not is i dont feel anything anymore
i can even watch and concentrate in a tv show now and actually finish a 1 hr show
take care of yourself,
max
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