Missing him
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| Thu, 03-03-2005 - 6:35pm |
I put this on the Affair board, but I guess it really fits more here since it's finally over :(
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I met my guy when he was separated from his wife. We were together for four months and then he moved back home because he missed his kids. We still went back and forth and couldn't stay away from each other. Just the beginning of February, we were together, but I couldn't take it anymore and told him that I didn't want to be the "other woman". When we started this, he kept saying he was gonna leave her - they'd already been discussing divorce, but couldn't afford it is why he didn't do it. He said that he went back for the kids and that she knows it and that they don't even sleep in the same room.
We also work together and sit facing each other every day. It's so hard doing that every day and not being able to be with him. I just miss him so much. I cry nearly every day and I don't know how to get over him and let go... I just don't understand how we could have been so wonderful together and it be all gone now.
After about two weeks of us not being any sort of lovey-dovey, I emailed him at work today and said that I missed him. I just wanted to see what he would say and if there was anything left. I asked him if he was over it and he said not completely but that he didn't really have any other choice right now. I just feel so stupid about even starting this in the first place. I never in a million years thought that I would be involved with a married man, or that I would think that it would actually work out for me. Since he was separated when we started, it didn't seem so bad, I guess. I just wish that I could get over it and get on with my life - but it's very hard when I have to see him and work closely with him every single day. I even have to hear him on the phone with his wife when she calls since we sit nearly right on top of each other.
It hurts so much :(

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I know it is hard to work with the A partner and believe me when I say I will never get involved with a co-worker again. It makes it that much harder to deal with.... I know from experience and now I am seeing a SM and I a M. He knows I am getting a D and it is so different this time. He calls me all the time and takes me out and I don't have to be 2nd best to anyone!!! I know he doesn't have to go home to a W and feel guilty for this R so I have realized that having an A with a MM is that much harder to deal with and that they are really looking for a little fun on the side and can't handle anymore than that. They will never leave the W and who would want someone who you know can't be faithful to their W. If they are not faithful to the W what makes you think they will be failthful to you?
I am glad my MM left and it is like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders and I am free to love again and not obsessing over him anymore. I wish you all the luck in the world as I know this is hard for you!
I am glad that I found these boards. I have also been reading the "All Sides" board. It is really helping to know that an affair is not good for anyone. I have felt so much guilt over all of this. I think in some ways that mine is different because he was separated and not living with her and they were in the process of divorce when we met. I fell in love with him - believe me, if he had been living at home and just a married man looking for a fling then I would have NEVER had anything to do with him. It's just hard to get over this because even though he is now back at home and not going to be with me now, all those feelings for him are not just magically gone (altho sometimes I wish they were!!!) I do NOT want to be with him or try to hang on to him now that he is at home. I know that he needs to try to put his family back together if that is what he plans to do. I don't want to be any part of breaking things up - he has two little kids at home (4yrold girl and 2yrold boy). At this point, I really don't know if he actually left and got divorced if I would want to be with him, either.
It is also good to be here with people who know that this situation is not black and white and that not all OWs are sluts, whores, evil beings, whatever else you want to call them. They are women who fell in love with a man who made promises to them.
Another thing that probably contributed to this is that although I am 27 (will be 28 the end of this year) I haven't had that much experience with men and/or dating. I didn't date in high school since I was too shy and scared. My first boyfriend was when I was 19 and that lasted 9 months (it was on again/off again). It lasted as long as it did because I hung onto him like a pit bull. I figured that it took 19 years for a guy to be interested in me, so I better hang on to him. I'm not a narcisist, but I consider myself fairly cute, and I am slender (5'3" 130 lbs). I have been told that I am a very attractive woman (so why the hell don't guys ask me out????? LOL) Anyway...
After a year after breaking up with him, I got together with my next boyfriend that lasted 5 years (ages 21-26). That relationship also should have been over about 2 years before it was. I also was hanging on to it for longer than I probably should have because he was only the second guy I'd ever dated/slept with. He was also the 3rd guy I'd ever kissed.
My xMM is my 3rd boyfriend (I guess I can call him that), 3rd guy I ever slept with, and 4th guy I've ever kissed. I think that because I have such a limited experience with men that I also have a romanticized view. I also am someone who wants to believe in the good in people. He told me that he loved me, wanted to be with me forever, even told me several times that I "would" be the next Mrs. MM. No one, even my bf of 5 years, had EVER even jokingly asked me to marry him. He told me these things, and I trusted him and believed him. With him, as I've said before, I was myself completely. I did not put any pretenses on with him. This is also another big blow that makes it even harder to get over.
My romantized view comes from what I want in my relationship/eventual marriage. I want the guy who wants/desires only me. With each guy I've been with, I have only wanted him. Thinking of being with another guy made me sick to my stomach. I feel that if that is how I feel, then that is how they should feel, too. I guess I don't understand how you can be in love with two people at the same time, or even think that you are, since I can't imagine it. Sure, I have been mildly attracted to another guy during these things and can admire an attractive man, but I would NEVER want anyone besides the one I'm with. I think that's why I believed my xMM. I felt that if he is in love with me, then he can't still be in love with his wife and that he would be getting the divorce like he said.
Just some thoughts I've had lately...
I should maybe start a new thread, but why clutter up the board? Anyway, I wanted to say that I realize that with these boards and all of these experiences I've read about with other people, I feel that I will have more "backup" or "support" (not sure what to call it) when I have to see xMM on Monday-Thurs this week at work. I am hoping that I will be ok and strong and not cry either on break at work or after work if he either ignores me or anything else that has typically set me off. I'll have to see what happens and come here to say how it went. Heck, maybe with this board I can say what's happened/happening at that moment and be able to get advice right away LOL This way I don't have to try to deal with it all on my own or heap it all on getting help from my best friend.
I just feel like I will be able to get through this now with knowing there are people out there that are in/have been in the same situation as me and can then offer real advice to me. :)
hey fallon,
hang in there, use this board to whatever u feel like and if it helps u cope then post as much as u can, i do it too
if u are from Tx then there are a whole bunch of single men there and im sure its only a matter of time b4 u find someone or someone finds u, u are still very young
hey im 39 and still single , no kids, successful in every part of my life other than my personal life so sometimes i also wonder if there is wrong with me and why in the h**l did i get myself involve with OW when all the signs told em not too, i even pursued her
anyways, maybe try joining eharmony when u are ready to date, it is so popular here in silicon valley that this is what most single men/women are doing now
take care,
max
~Playing~
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You got it girlfriend!
Hello ID,
I wish I had sound this message board before I started in my A.....the things I would have known and heard would make me realize that these MM are full of crap and will tell us anything to get us. They have no regard for our feelings and I can see them running home "tail btw the legs" to their wives that they "Dont't love anymore or have sex with anymore"!!!!!!!!!!hahahaha..... and we believe this crap????!!!
I got the "this is wrong and I am married" from my MM but wasn't it wrong and wasn't he married when we were having this A???? Yes, he was but suddenly he has a conscience and feels guilty? This is the lamest(sp) excuse in the book and I am sure they all use it! I think once they get what they want and the chase is over it is no fun for them anymore and they are on to the next VICTIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!And I mean Victim!!!! BE careful GIRLS!!!
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