Missing him sometimes
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| Wed, 06-29-2005 - 1:35pm |
Ok, need a kick in the butt here to keep me on track.
I'm missing my OM at times. Sometimes it overwhelms me. It's been almost 2 months since we had IC. However, we've been out for drinks a couple of times in a friendship capacity. The last time was almost a month ago. No, there won't be no more of that. Too confusing.
I never formally, outright "broken-up" with him. I've been distancing myself from him, kind of doing a gradual "fade" from his life. I know, it's cowardly, but it's what I feel is the best way.
Why do I miss him so much? He is witty, intelligent, sexy, and vulnerable (yes--I suspect he knows how to play THAT!).
But he is also immature (even though he is middle-aged), nit-picky, and has a wandering eye problem. My H is none of these. Actually, my H outclasses OM in spades! Actually, I'm happy/relieved that I'm giving my marriage another try.
So, what the hell is my problem?
It helps me to write this out. It keeps me in line! Along with the great encouragement I get here.

Most likely , you are missing your OM still because you haven't distanced yourself enough. You still get the attention, the charm, feeling part of his life, making sure he is thinking of you and you him...etc... the good parts...and you miss that when its not happening because you haven't worked through the "habit" of him or how your ego feels about it all. Distance yourself enough (completely actually) and your pain will eventually go away. Twinges of rememberances will happen...but if you give yourself distance...so that you can have clarity about how he IS an ass perhaps even a common sociopathic narcissist because of the negative things you did mention (what an ego he has)...if you give yourself time and distance to have that clarity...you will heal faster.
Yes..you have to go through pain to get over it. If you pick the scab it never heals.
Good Luck,
Lizzie
Cherry
I think your first problem is that your not keeping TOTAL NO CONTACT as in ZERO CONTACT, if you insist on contact or allow it you just going to keep pushing your self off that cliff time and again.
Second like most women you enjoy having a male desiring you it's and EGO boost...but a very distructive one.
SO NO CONTACT and invest your time and love in your marriage and see what happens over TIME.
Free
Hi Lizzie! You do have a way with words. I love your metaphors. Hope all is well with you.
Cyprus
Your right Free. Time to change over to a new E-mail address. That's actually where 95% of our contact occurs. We never talked much on the phone for a variety of reasons.
Actually, He hasn't contacted me specifically via e-mail much these days. He just sends those mass e-mail (to me and other friends of his) "joke of the day" type e-mails.
Yes, this dude really knows how to keep his foot in the door while testing out other waters I'm sure.
So without further ado, time to get a new E-mail addy.
Cutting the final string.
Cherry
(who still misses him, but really knows I'm better off leaving him behind...)
(((Cherry)))
I know what you are going through. If it is any comfort, I think it is a natural transition from the A. The feelings will remain for a while, and will pop up when you least expect it. But don't give in to these feelings, they are just an illusion, nothing more. You may truly miss OM, and miss the close relationship you shared, but because it was an A, it wasn't "real", does that make sense? Every day A-free is a step towards a new, stronger you. Post here often and read posts by others. It will help you through the bad days, and put everything into perspective. In the meantime, focus on your relationship with H. That, too, will help you realize what is truly important in your life.
A very wise person here once told me, "One day you will look back at yourself and ask, 'Who was that girl?' and realize how far you've come." Well, I am at that point now, and it feels GREAT!!!
Best of luck to you, keep us posted! :)
((hugs))
Circe