missing my "friend"
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missing my "friend"
| Wed, 05-18-2005 - 12:39pm |
Here I am again, back at it - trying to move on without my "friend" in my life. I miss him soooo much. For a while I was doing really good with the no contact rule but then I just had to go and send him an email telling him that I finished my last law school exam ever. I told my husband but I didn't feel any excitement from him and I knew I'd get a rise from my "friend." Anyway, of course that email got an immediate response and for two days we were back and forth emailing each other. Until I asked for a return to silence that is. And so here I am again, starting over in my attempt to stay away from him. Yesterday was a really tough day for me, I wanted to email him again. It looks like today is better, but I'm still feelling the loss really bad. I've tried to stay busy so I don't think about him but everything seems to remind me of him. Will my recovery process have to start over with each email? How long before I can consider contacting him as a friend w/ no strings attached. Why do I want this man in my life so bad? I feel an attraction to him like I've never felt for a man before - not even my husband. I miss being able to love my husband the way a wife should and counseling isn't really helping. I finished my own therapy but I'm still dealing with the question of "what shall I do?" I know I don't want to go through a divorce and I certainly don't want to leave my husband for another man. But, it seems like I already have. All that I'm certain of right now is 1) this isn't fair to my hubby, 2) i miss my "friend," and 3) i want both guys in my life in some way. Please, any thoughts would be helpful consideration and GIVE ME SOMETHING ELSE TO DO rather than contemplate contacting my "friend." Thanks, BH

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Hi, just had to respond to your e-mail. I got on this board just a few minutes ago because I am missing my best friend so badly. It has been a rough few days. I have thought of a hundred reasons to call or e-mail him. I haven't done it yet but I'm not so sure that I won't. There has been very little contact in the last month (NC in my situation is impossible) I have been reading on here for weeks, I know what everyone says and it all makes sense when I am reading it. I still miss my friend. I am feeling depressed and I feel like I need to talk to him. I know talking to him will be a temporary fix for me and then I will be starting all over again. I too want to keep this man in my life even if it is just friends, but I know how hard it will be if not impossible.
I know that I haven't gave you any advice, as you can see, I am in need of it myself. I just wanted to say that I know what you are going through and I hope it gets better.
boy, I could have written this word-for-word. I got on here, too, because I'm just so sad today. It's been about 1 1/2 months of nc. I see him at work, and everytime I see him, I feel so good afterwards. Then, I'm left with this empty feeling, because I know that he is no longer "mine". There are so many things that I know he'll respond to that my husband won't.
Last week, I had a biopsy done on a lump on my breast. My H did take me to the hospital, but he was on his cell-phone the entire ride there and home. I couldn't even talk to him because he was on the phone. Some of it was business, but he was also checking up on friends. This morning I went back to the doc to get the results. He kept saying he would come with me, but he wouldn't get out of bed. I have no one to share with.
I just feel so alone. I miss my mm so much. He ended it for all the right reasons, which just makes me miss him more.
Thank you all for sharing. It feels like you are speaking for me.
With my counceling I have learned that when my husband didn't live up to my expectations or hurt me in some way my response was to look elsewhere to my MM.
In reality, one dissappointment doesn't have anything to do with another person. When I am mad at my DH I am learning to talk to him about it and keep the emotions about it in my M. In the past I would put a bandaid on it by seeing my MM. That doesn't solve my problem but created a whole new bunch of issues.
I think I am attracted to drama...
Happychaser
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