MM cheat, what does that make us(female)

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
MM cheat, what does that make us(female)
3
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 1:43pm



I have read several posts in which women feel that once a Married Man cheats, he will cheat again and again...What does that make us, women, who have had an affair why we are/were married? Does that conclude I will cheat again and again? I can very well promise you up and down that ain't going to happen! The affair has turned me off to no end...in fact, while I am looking back at it, I wonder what the heck I was thinking.

Anyway, in regards to men, don't you think/believe we (women) are being a bit of a hypocrite? I know...men and women are wired differently...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 1:59pm
I agree! However, I do believe men take A's as no big deal even after it ends.

Yes, my xMM lied to me several times. And yes, I am just as guilty too, since I am married, so I lied to my H too. But, my xMM lied to me about everything from day one. First he told me he was single, i.e. he has a girlfriend only and his relationship was on the fence. A few weeks later he finally admitted (I guess he got tired of constantly lying to me) that he is married with 2 kids.

So, after this, one lie came after another. I never lied to him though.

He also admitted to me that before he met me, he came close to another A, but it never went as far as ours did. So, yes I do believe that my xMM did cheat on his W before he met me and I am sure he will do it again in the future.

Now, me on the other hand as a woman. Yes, I am guilty too, but 1.)I never had an A before, 2.) Never attempted to have an A either, 3.) The stuff that this A has done to my life, I will NEVER ever get myself involved in another A. Period.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 9:41am


Sadgirl:

I do agree with you...maybe more men can be "nonchalent" when the affair ends whereas women will feel more disgust and "sorry" that it ever occurred in the first place. Even though I was exMM's first (at least that what he told me) I have no doubt he will do this again, just a gut feeling I cannot seem to put my finger on.

He once told me that "it is better to have loved than never..." when we last had our phone conversation (2 months ago), referring to our affair. I WANTED to sock it to him...cheapened the concept of "love", all the lies, deceits... Now, when I think of him, the affair, I genuinely want to either vomit or "escape"(to forget this ever happened).

Been there

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 11:55am
What hurts me the most about my A, is that I gave it close to 100%. There were times when I even cancelled plans with my H, or made up some excuse that I didn't feel like going out on a certain day, because instead I would rather be with my xMM. However, my xMM never put me first.

I do believe that for my xMM this A was no big deal. He was so cool about it, he never showed any emotional feelings and he is not struggling after we broke up, like I am.

I am sure married women also have several A's, like married men, but I think men do it more often. I also believe that for men it's mainly about sex when they get involved in an A.

I learned my lesson from all this. My life has dramatically changed and I am trying to get back on track. Trying to be happy with my H again, trying to forget xMM (which to this point is still impossible), trying to forget that xMM got me pregnant, and so on.

I struggle through the days, trying to keep busy so that I don't think about xMM. Him on the other hand, the last time we talked, he was doing maintenance on his house, cleaning out his pool, putting up a new garage door, etc. I can't even do the dishes, or go on with daily chores in my house, because xMM is still on my mind.

I am sure xMM will have no problem moving on with HIS life and eventually seduce another pretty girl on the train, like he did with me.

...........While I am barely holding together.