MM not contacting me, a TRUE BLESSING!!
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 01-22-2010 - 2:36pm |
I am a newbie, 7 weeks NC today. I have noticed some "new newbies" really come on board as of late. Some of you are married, some single. Everyone on here has a story...if you want to know mine after you read this, let me know, had a screen change name. It isn't a pretty story, pretty ugly, but that's typical of an A.
I did not even know I was in an A for the most of our relationship (yep, he was that good). But once I knew I contd, for a few months, and even those months were way TOO many. I put myself in harms way knowingly and their are no excuses either way. I used to think it matter that I had been lied to from the very beginning. It doesn't matter at all and I know that now.
I have noticed a a lot of newbies posting the same things I did when I came on the board...here is the brief list of thoughts just after you begin NC.
I wonder if he is thinking about me
I wonder if he will contact me
I wonder if any of it was real
I wonder if I will be strong enough if she/he will contact me and WHEN
I wonder if he really loved me
I wonder if his W/H was as bad as he made her/him out to be
I wonder what he/she is doing right now
I wonder if I will see him/her at the store/mall (you get the point)
I wonder if W/H know about us, and If you had a DDay, it's
I wonder if she/he has taken him back
I wonder if she/he is in pain like me
I wonder if he has text/email/imed me and I was away from my phone or computer
I could go on but you all get the point. Here's mine. I ended my A and I asked him to leave my home and never come back or contact me again, EVER, for ANY reason. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. He hugged me, told me he loved me, always would.....blah blah blah, told him, if that was love, I didnt want it. And guess what ladies....HE RAN....not physically, but he has never contacted me since, I changed numbers and blocked this and that. But he could have called me from a another number or emailed me from some new or alternate account. I really used to hope he would do this....I spent hours...hell, days wondering when IF and how he would contact me. It consumed me. It has never happened, he never contacted me...AND I AM SO THANKFUL!!. One might say he never cared about me, another might say the fact that I told his wife that if he did ever try to contact me again, I would let her know immediately :) Who knows? It does not matter. I am just happy he left me alone. It has FORCED me to do the work, to go thru the pain, to have the good, bad and ugly self examination. I had to take responsibility for my part, whether I knew he was married or not, I knew this man was no good for me and I let it happen...had to stop blaming him, had to look at me and how I got to the A. Him Running Like the WIND, was the best thing he could have EVER done for me and I know that was not his intent but even if it was, it does not matter, just doesn't.
I have learned so much about me these last months. Had he contacted me, who knows what I would have done. I truly can not say for sure. I just know that although painful, I am 7 weeks NC and feeling so much better about who I am. Who I REALLY am. What I am really capable of. I have enjoyed my children so much lately. That is what my life is about. Us, me and the kids, not ExAP.
I write all this to say to the new gals/guys on the board. If you are not hearing from exAP, it is a blessing, may not feel like one right now, but it is. Has been for me anyway, and from what I have read here, its the only way you get to be a Tween or a Vet. So many of the MM on here have come fishin/or we us women do it....lately, I noticed a wave of MM tho. I used to be envious because he never fished, NOTHING....I used to say, at least he cared for her, he called, he text, he emailed...I really used to feel like less than. It hurt bad.
Now, again, I know that me blocking him every way was the best decision I ever made. Heck, he may have tried, I do not know and I DO NOT CARE. What matters now is me and my children. But even I can not be good to them until I take care of me....I could never have done that if MM was still a part of my life in any way, shape or form.
New Newbies, if you can block em, change numbers etc... do whatever you can to protect yourself from contact. If you are the one who contact, do what's advised here, delete everything you can and what you know by memory may/may not fade in time. But when you get that impulse or urge to break NC, come here, have a plan, do whatever works for you. But protect yourself. I think a big part of what I call "my own success" in ending this A cold turkey is that he showed me better than any word that ever came from his mouth....He ran as soon as it got hot in the kitchen and I am all the better for it.
Hang in there and trust and know that if you put in the work, the light at the tunnel is closer than you feel and think.
Luvin

Luvin
I am a total newbie my A ended at 8:30 this morning, following which I made my first posting. It is now 9:20 at night here and I am having a glass of wine and reading these boards to stop me from contacting my xAP who is a MM. Your post really helped as I know he will not contact me and you are right I should celebrate that because I know at the moment if he did I would text right back, not proud of that but it's the way I feel.
So I am going to keep reading these posts and the Healing Library and maintain NC and NOT resort to my usual fishing, as Iddy told me earlier today the party is over and it's time to go home - well I am home with my DH and my two DS and this is where I belong - I just need to keep reminding myself of that.
Thanks again
Movingon x x
Movingon2010,
Hello, and hugs to you. I am really happy that my post could be of any assistance to you during this time. Believe it or not, you posting what you did makes it all worth it. I am sure one day you will stand in my shoes and help others like you. It hurts now, but I believe and know that if you post here, read here, stay busy, focus on you, love you, and your fam...it will get better. I still have set backs here and there..but for the most part, I am so much better than I was, even better than I was before the A. Hang in there, try to enjoy your fam this weekend. Hope you have a great one and I will be here if you need me, as will be the rest of the board. We are here, even if you just need to vent....whatever. Stay in that healing library, read the posts. Read em twice. The wisdom on this boards can not be found anywhere else.
PS...Love your name!
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Thanks Luvin
I will take your advice and you have a good weekend too. Why is it every time someone is nice to me the tears well up again !!
I have no doubt I will be posting again, this time I just can't go back.
Movingon (because i have 2!) x x
I cried as I read posts to me many a time. It was so comforting to me to hear the words of some of the women here, women who have never seen me, I have never seen them. Women I will never likely meet. Ever. I found it so amazing that people that I associate with only on a computer screen would show me more respect, true love, caring, and kindness than exAP did. To make it even more powerful, they showed me more concern than I EVER did for myself. That is pretty powerful.
I also felt good to not be alone...felt good to know that someone out there understood me. Did not judge me or assume I was this big time home wrecking whore...etc...sorry to be blunt, but I am sure you get the point. I was touched and full of emotions. Some of them so strong and overbearing, I would be holding the tissue to my eyes so I could continue to read my message...
Its ok to cry, its ok to hurt, just remember if you stay on this narrow path, it will heal and you will come out better. Its just true. I know being contact day 1 is tough. There will be tough days to follow. But know that time will eventually be on your side and your bad days will lessen, but more than that, you will be better...you will value you and you will appreciate that DH and DS so much more than you ever thought.
Take care and Hugs to ya...
Your name says it all...use that to inspire you.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida