for momandmytwoboys--about abandonment

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
for momandmytwoboys--about abandonment
4
Wed, 09-01-2010 - 9:39am
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Wed, 09-01-2010 - 10:32am

I have serious abandonment/isolation issues. My father traveled a lot when I was little and my mother was always absent. I often stayed with my uncle and aunt. My uncle started abusing me at a very young age (8). My parents trusted my uncle and aunt. I believe that my aunt knew about it but turned a blind eye to the abuse. Anyway, I descovered in counseling that because I never felt safe as a child I didn't learn how to form emotional attachments/bonds. I always had this fear in the back of my mind that nobody would love me. Even in my M, my DH would jump through hoops trying to show me how much he loved me and I still believed that he didn't. I realized after getting into T that I had not hugged my DH in years. I hadn't even allowed my DH to kiss me in years. He would beg and plead with me for a simple kiss and I just couldn't do it. I shut everyone out except my boys. I smothered them with love. Can you believe that I had only cried two times in my entire life? Since T, I have cried a bucket of tears. My T did behavior T with me where she gave me exercises on learning how to trust ppl. She also told me to write mantras which I repeat every day. I have been able to really enjoy my DH both physically and emotionally and it feels so good. I was on AD when I ended my A and it really helped me.


Most ppl thought that I was a cold person who didn't want friends but I was so broken and confused before T that I just couldn't get close to ppl. I also had unrealistic expectation where I would constantly test my DH. He could never satisfy me. I was always lonely and sad. I highly recommend that you stay in T. It saved my life. One day you will realize that your XAP wasn't all that you thought he was and you will let go of trying to be there for him and realize that he doesn't deserve you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Wed, 09-01-2010 - 2:20pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Wed, 09-01-2010 - 3:09pm

An A brings out very ugly traits in us. I tried to win my X-SOM also. It became a "see how much I can make him fall for me game." Self sabotage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Wed, 09-01-2010 - 4:04pm