Moments I Miss the Most

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Moments I Miss the Most
7
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 12:52pm

I am a huge fan of Post Secret (postsecret.blogspot.com) and one of the postcards there today really hit me. It said "I am beginning to realize that the moments I miss the most were never even real."


I remember Iddy saying to someone that in all of the moments in between seeing xap, we are busy

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2010
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 1:16pm

Hi

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2010
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 1:25pm

Jane,


I always love your posts and read your blog daily as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 1:33pm

Jane,

Thank you for this reminder - that which we think we miss(ed) the most never even happened.

Keepswimming, you've written a list of some pretty powerful (and common) things that you miss about your A & AP.

How about creating a list of things that you DON'T miss - and a list of all the things you are about to miss because of your choice to be in the A. See then if you can re-focus your attention on healing rather than, or in addition to, mourning.

One of my favorite threads here is this one:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlending&msg=26077.1&x=y

It always reminds me that I won't ever experience those kinds of lows again - NO MORE!!!

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010
LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 2:32pm

Jane,


I needed this today too. Ive been up and Ive been down the last few days. My A really IS over and it will remain that way. I dont want to feel those lows ever again. The lows were real, the highs were a fantasy.


I fell in love with how he made me feel, not him. I would never feel safe with Xmm. I would always wonder if he was cheating on me like he did with me. I wouldnt be happy. He wasnt my best friend. I know he cares enough to give me my space and let me go but WOW does moving on hurt.


Thanks for the reaffirmation that we only miss what could have been. I know I dont miss what really was. Make sense???? Sorry, my mind is all over the place today but the lows were terrible and that NO MORE thread is spot on and I read it often. Help to remind me that I do not ever want to feel like that again.


Thanks Jane.


GMLB

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 4:16pm


<<>>

gmlb, that pretty much sums it all up. Most affairs are fantasy. The "could have been" is the fantasy. That's what we miss. I know I certainly didn't/don't miss the agony of missing xAP, the pain that comes along with hiding an affair, the constant tug of war between real life and the fantasy of the affair. I don't miss "what it really was", nor do I ever want to put myself through that again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 9:53pm

Sometimes i think why did God allowed me to meet my xap while He knows i might falter in my moral compass (w/c i did) but you know i feel that God in all His wisdom knows what He is doing and in time it'll be revealed to us when we are ready :)


Thanks Jane for always stirring our emotions and thoughts and to all who are walking in our individual journey though hurting is also a helper to others.


Keepswimming, in addition to GMLB's link, may i add another more in case you haven't read this.


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlending&msg=27270.1

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 10:00pm

Jane,


I have to agree with the other poster that you have such an eloquent way of writing.

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N