In that mood

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2004
In that mood
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 1:17pm
I do not know why I am even bothering writing this but I am in one of those moods where I want to contact xMM. Why? It has been over 5 months since the last time I saw him and almost 4 months of NC. As some of you know from my posts the last time I sent a feeler text message he said some pretty hurtful things to me so that I would stay away. Nice slap on the face after everything that occurred between us but I understand why he said it. I know I would feel the same way.

It is just sometimes I want to tell him how terrible he has made me feel. I want to talk about the things that happened between us. I do not know what good contacting him would even do - just leave me with even more questions to ponder over. I would probably feel even more hurt because he has probably moved on while I am still stuck in this. It has gotten a whole lot easier over time but I wish the thoughts of him would just go away. To be honest, I do not know what I even want to hear from him. I could never go back to what was going on between us but sometimes I just want that final conversation. In his mind we had our final conversation months ago but since that time I have had a lot of time for thoughts to settle and I have questions about stuff.

I am all over the place with this. I will not contact him, I do have a little bit of pride left and I do not want him to get the satisfaction of me still dwelling on this. I just hate when this mood comes!