Mood swings

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Mood swings
13
Sat, 12-18-2004 - 1:48am

So, I haven't posted in a few days - been dealing with some weird mood swings. If you've kept up w/me, you'd know today SHOULD have been 4 weeks w/NC. But last week, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself & missing xOM. Wednesday, I had a business issue come up and decided to call him. He didn't answer his phone & I left him a brief but professional message to have a friend of his call me (I needed his friend's help but didn't have the #). His friend called me about an hour later. I appreciated xOM's quick response and so I called him back - ready to leave a nice "thank you" message, when he answered his phone. (I know it was stupid, but I guess I was a little irritated that he didn't answer his phone the first time I called - I figured he saw my # and didn't want to speak to me.) Hearing his voice caught me off guard, but I caught myself and we actually ended up having a very nice friendly conversation. It was awkward at first - we were both over compensating and trying to figure out what to say. But after a few minutes we settled into it and conversation flowed easily. I'll admit it was nice. I missed talking to him. We chatted for just over an hour (which surprised me when I realized how long we had been on the phone). Nothing important, just catching up - work, family, friends, politics. He didn't ask about H & I didn't ask if he was dating anyone. We avoided talking about "us".

Anyway, I have to say when we got off the phone, I felt good...almost like me again. Like I knew even if I never spoke to him again, I would be ok. I felt like I could finally let go. I wasn't sad and I didn't feel the need to cry or call him back. I just felt...normal.

That feeling stayed with me...until tonight. I think it's just because H has been working long hours lately and now has to go out of town for a few days next week. The last time he went out of town was the first time I spent the night w/xOM.

I guess I'm just feeling angry w/myself. I really thought I was finally letting go. I thought I was making progress & moving on. Now I feel crappy again. I wish the mood swings would stop!! Don't get me wrong - I'm not a weepy mess like I have been in the past, but that nostalgic "I miss him" feeling is still lingering. I hate that.

Just needed to vent...

Diva

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
In reply to: actressdiva
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 11:32am

<< Because there was nothing I couldn't tell my husband about! >>

Wow newsgal, I felt the same way today. I have not called xOM over the days that my husband has been out of town. H has been out of town for over a week now, and will be back on wednesday and generally OM used to come over whenever he was out. I thought about how honestly relieved I feel because everytime my husband calls, I can talk to him without that nagging guilt feeling. I can relate to my husband exactly what I had done through the day, and not have to hide anything.. :-) feels really good. I had a strange sense of relief. So some good has come out of ending my A. A whole lot of good...

Take care

Trish

PS: the story about your friend did make me giggle

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
In reply to: actressdiva
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 1:50pm

You know, we should all collaborate on a book about affairs using our shared experiences (no real names, of course). Of course, it's not the kind of book one would have lying around on the coffee table. "Gee honey, what are you reading these days?"

Diva...the thought did occur to me (the same guy, that is). Actually, I have wondered from time to time if anyone posting on this board has inadvertently been involved with the same man. Hmmmm.

Trish...My husband is out of town, too, and I had the same experience today! He called, and I couldn't get to the phone right away. When I called him back, I was able to honestly say why I didn't answer the phone rather than making up an excuse...and feeling terrible!

Let's make a pact to feel good today! I admit I woke up feeling so sad and angry. Gotta fight back! You know, a pedicure and a manicure go a long way. I'm thinking of sneaking to the mall later. :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
In reply to: actressdiva
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 4:14pm

I love you girls!!

My H is (will be) out of town starting tonight for the next few days - I have already begun calling friends to see who wants to get together - I am determind to resist calling xOM!

I'm so sick of this...of him being on my mind and in my head. I want to enjoy life again...without him! We've been apart longer than we were together and this crap is still going on!!! I guess I am fortunate that xOM is NOT still calling me. I'm the moron who made contact last! I think it was Posie who suggested I may have some "control" issues when it comes to him. I was upset because he didn't pick up the phone the first time I called...now I think I'm upset because I feel like he still SHOULD be calling or emailing me so I COULD ignore him. I know that makes absolutley no sense!

Newsgal - you must have read my mind! I had a manicure this morning! Thinking of heading over to the mall to do some shopping later on :-)

Diva

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