Morning After

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2004
Morning After
4
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 9:36am
Well after a rough night of tossing an turning an almost no sleep I am sitting here almost scared my phone will ring an scared it wont at the same time. He calls (or used to) call every morning since I didnt answer last night that maybe used to. I wont answer if it does. Today feels like it will drag on I have made plans to hang out with my neice an best friend I am off work and need to keep myself to busy to sit and think. Is it terrible that I do kind of hope he was miserable last night and lost as much sleep as I did? I feel bad because I do. Its just not in my nature to wish ill on any one. I keep telling myself its going to get easier..

Krm..

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
In reply to: krm_one
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 10:10am
Krm,

Do not think you are a bad person for wanting him to be as miserable as you. In reality, what you are REALLY wishing is that he misses you and is as hurt as you are because he cares for you. If he isn't miserable and missing you, that would mean that he doesn't care and that is a painful thought.....make sense?

Keep yourself BUSY, BUSY, BUSY and constantly around people who love and support you as much as possible. It's gonna be tough but you WILL do this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
In reply to: krm_one
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 2:10pm
IMHO, your feelings are perfectly natural. If you made an emotional investment in the A, of course you want to think he made the same emotional investment, lest you have wasted your time. These wonders, these feelings, will lessen over time. You're in the toughest part right now. You need to be creative and come up with NEW ways to fill your time and thoughts so you don't go back to your OLD ways of filling your time and thoughts. That could take awhile, but hang in there. Eventually, your first thought for filling spare time won't be to think about the XMM or spend time with the XMM. You'll have moved on to new (and hopefully healthier!) ideas and activities.

I think the ending of any relationship, affairs included, is so difficult initially. It breaks up the status quo; life as you knew it. We all deal differently with change. Even in the midst of the controversy going on on this board right now, I have to say, keep posting. These folks have helped me keep my sanity and more importantly, they've helped me keep NC. You're going to be okay. Just keep moving forward and don't look back. Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
In reply to: krm_one
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 6:21pm
Krm,

I thnk we must be in the same place emotionally. I, too, had a meltdown last night, but today I'm feeling pretty confident. He tried to call me twice today but I didn't answer his calls. I'm SO curious what he wanted to say to me, but since I'm sure it's not what I wanted to hear, I saw no point in talking to him. I am secretly happy to know that he's still thinking about me though, and I hope he's struggling like I am too. Sounds like you and I are on the same page.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2004
In reply to: krm_one
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 7:10pm
I have to agree we do seem to be on the same page which helps more the you know .I dont know that I have had my melt down yet, as yesterday was DAY 1 an today has been up an down I have wondered what he wanted to say an why he didnt leave an voice message as he usually did but at the same time I was glad he didnt because hearing him may have broken me I went thru feeling good about doing it, to being sad , to actually hoping he was miserable today, to feeling guilty for feeling that way an back again. * SIGHS* I know it will get easier just wish it was now. How long does it take to forget that final conversation ? He didn't say much just Please dont cry, and thanked me for being there for him. UGH I just want to scream right now..Next mood swing 3 seconds.. I have to find some humor somewhere I know this isnt funny to any of us but I dont want to lose my mind either..