morning sickness
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morning sickness
| Sun, 08-01-2010 - 11:48am |
Each night I look forward to the oblivion of sleep, but it rarely comes.
| Sun, 08-01-2010 - 11:48am |
Each night I look forward to the oblivion of sleep, but it rarely comes.
JDV,
Every word your wrote rings volumes to me. Each day is hard, but getting better. My A ended 1 month ago today with a disappearing act from xAP. 1 week ago she called once to say "im sorry and goodbye". I was like you, wishing desperately for those first 3 weeks to get some kind of connection. Waiting and staring at my phone. Longing for sleep as the only escape, only to have xAP haunt my dreams.
I had basically just stopped wanting when the call came. It reset me, and punched me in the gut again. Only this time I know that it is for good, even if not in xAPs eyes, for sure in MINE!
NC=No New Hurt. I have to remind myself of this everyday, many times a day. I need to be sure of myself to NOT answer any electronic connection, do deny the high because of the assurance of the extreme low to follow, in case xAP does try and break the sudden NC.
I know it is hard, I am right there with you, but every day is getting better :) You have to realize that the sudden NC by xAP is not torture, even though for me it still feels it at times, but is a gift that you have been given to take your life back.
I like the EAS as methadone reference... Keep coming back here then! I keep reading more and more, and right now this place is often the only thing keeping me strong.
Hope the morning sickness shifts to an afternoon bliss. Woke up and took my DW to breakfast this morning, and when we got in the car an old song professing "today will be a lovely day!!" was on. Made me smile, and helped me stride fully into 1 week NC and commitment.
Best
MMLIF
Thanks for the support mmlif. It's good to hear reminders that it will get better. And although moments may crawl by, I'm sure a month will be gone before I know it.
I also know I'll come out of this stonger than before - another one of those damn growth experiences. I had a moment of clarity while making potato salad that I deserve better (inspiration comes in odd places). Yay for NC, whether it's 3 days or 3 weeks. I'm off to grill the chicken and watch a movie, knowing that no new hurts occurred so far today.
JDV
I know how you feel not being able to sleep much.
Hello-
I know how you feel. Those first few weeks/months are brutal... I won't lie about that. I had a hard time sleeping, as well, but I did during my A too because leading a double life was eating me up inside. I wanted to reach out to you and tell you to keep looking forward. Take one day at a time and celebrate each day, because in the beginning, each day really is a victory. Remember, you are now on the road to recovery... and each day brings you closer to the day when it won't hurt as much, when you will realize you are actually happy. Yes, it does happen and it will sooner than you think. I am over 6 months out now and I am truly happy. I am living an honest life- I am being honest with myself and my H. And yes,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jwad,
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You have the right attitude, honey, and although there will always be emotional waves as you go through this journey, not acting upon them will continue to build your resolve and eventually set you free.
((Hugs))
~Iddy~