Like a moth to a flame! UGH so mad at myself!
Find a Conversation
|Fri, 08-03-2012 - 9:19am|
I made a huge mistake this morning after doing so well yesterday! As you all know I work with my xAP. I went down to his office. I don't know what I was thinking. I was there before I realized it. Like auto pilot kicked in. It was a "hello how are you" conversation that suddenly turned, what's the word....tense. As background we are 4 weeks no physical contact and 1 week LC. After three years he basically said I needed to make a decision (he's S, I'm M).
Where he used to drop everything for me today he was "busy" and somewhat dismissive. Of course I played it off (I can put on a great poker face) but then I was furious at myself for putthing myself in that situation. I created the hurt. I also feel that he is intentionally pulling away/ignoring me just so I want him more. I am better than this! What's with this weak moment. After reading in the HL and realizing my situation is not unique...it's an A, just like many others. What the heck! I need a swift kick in the a$$. FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS.