Moving along?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2001
Moving along?
5
Thu, 01-17-2013 - 10:19pm

I think I am moving along and getting to being resigned that is over.  I don't know why it hurts so much to accept that.  It isn't as if I ever expected to end up with him nor did he ever offer to do so.  I don't know what I wanted, but I do know right now things hurt.  The hardest part is that I am not committed to ending it, yet, I know it is over.  Once again I had to ask him to let me be.  I want to get strong so I can look at this and move on.

I am extremely thankful that the pain has dulled and is no longer driving my day or my desire to end it.  Every one of his emails causes me pain and I can't figure out why he continues to hurt me so.

I am afraid I will never love again and I will die alone, yet, I know that is much better than how I feel right now.

On the other hand, I've been running and I have felt better.  I have several races coming up and I need to focus on them to get lost in an acitivity.

Thank you all for the support.

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Fri, 01-18-2013 - 7:30am

You are just fooling yourself. You aren't moving on. You are hanging on.

What are you doing still getting emails from him?

Not taking charge of your life isn't getting you down the road, and away from him. You are hanging onto him.

This is an intentional choice you are making. 

You asked for support and help, and then ignore it?  I don't get it???

He continues sending emails because you are an EGO stroke to him.  He is an ego stroke to you.  

Make up your mind what you want. You can't be connected partially. You have to make up your mind to break it off. End it, means end it. Every bit of contact hurts. Why choose to hurt yourself.

It's all on you.

Many here have done it.

Stand up for yourself.

You can do this, if you want to.

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2011
Fri, 01-18-2013 - 7:41am
Change your frame of mind!! No more "I think I'm moving along" think I AM moving along, then DO so by blocking every possible avenue that he can contact you!!! You don't want to be his crumbs anymore, you don't want to be 2nd or 3rd, don't you deserve to be #1? Stop hurting yourself, pick up the pieces of you and put yourself back together, move on!!

I'm doing this for me because it's the "right" thing to do.... NC since 1/14/14

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2013
Fri, 01-18-2013 - 7:50am

Hugs to you. This is a very difficult time for you, I can tell.  The others are right, no communication really does help. I had a set back yesterday because I didn't block him from my life.  I had been feeling good and things were going back to normal and then BAM there was a message, nothing special, just a message. I was so much happier without contact. You will feel begin to feel better with every passing day. You may have a bad day every now and then, but as you start to distance yourself, things will begin to get better. As hard as it is, no contact does work.

As for not finding anyone, I don't believe that for a second.  There are a lot of wonderful people who are looking for someone to share their lives with too. They are available to give you 100% of themselves and are willing. Maybe after you get your life in order you can try an online dating site.  First, you need to be emotionally healthy because from what I have heard, you have to sift through some frogs to get to your prince. My husband's cousin is engaged to a guy she met online as are 2 girls in her office.  She is 52 and has never been married.

Keep running.  That is great that you have a hobby. Do you belong to a running club? Maybe you could join one to get around other people.  Stay busy. Have you looked into taking an evening class? I am a bit limited because I still have a kindergartener and a high schooler at home.

Here's to a great day for you! You can do better than an affair, but you will never know until you get out of it.

Tam

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2013
Fri, 01-18-2013 - 7:52am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Fri, 01-18-2013 - 10:10am
If you allow this one man to close you off from ever loving again don't blame him. It is not his fault that he was your everything. No one should ever be your beginning or end except God himself. Maybe believing in a higher power will help you to be better grounded knowing that one person doesn't make or break you. You will still breathe, get up and make choices for yourself. You are exhibiting co-dependent behavior. You have to recognize your co-dependence, deal with the underlying issues which caused you to take a back seat to another woman and fix yourself. Know that the world is bright and there are a lot of wonderful things in the world. Take a trip to a day spa and let someone pamper you for the entire day. Do something nice for yourself and others and please don't allow someone to have that much control over your life. Men admire women who are strong, who know who they are and women who set boundaries and don't allow themselves to be anyone to walk over them. Find your strength because you can move mountains if you just believe in yourself.