My 5 Minutes to Obsess

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
My 5 Minutes to Obsess
8
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 9:39am
Okay, I am only going to give myself about 5 minutes to obsess about MM, who I have not heard from for about 3 weeks or so. No goodbye, kiss my a** or anything.

I don't know what went wrong. As far as I know everything was still okay.

Here is what I will miss though. I will really miss someone who always called me sexy, attractive, told me how much he enjoyed our times together. Was VERY into my body, it was so great when were together. We really knew how to please each other.

Now I am left with only H, who drinks too much, not interested in sex, no matter how much I work out or take care of myself, doesn't have much complimentary things to say to me. It makes me feel down, that I won't have a sex life anymore. Its almost impossible with H. Unless he quit drinking (which he won't).

Alright, so I guess that's my feeling sorry for myself for today. Now I have to pick myself up, put a smile on my face and get on with my life!!

Dusty

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 10:05pm
Hey Dusty

You should tell MM and DH to kiss your A** two cheeks no waiting.

Take care

Free

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 6:39am
hang in there. I just wanted to offer my support. I too am hurting, and although nothing i had could compare to a 'normal' physical A, its still draining, and i feel for you.

I am trying not to look at it from what did i do wrong perspective. Just that he has issues that he is too immature to deal with. The ignoring calls and text messages, and pure avoidance, is just his way of dealing with it, by not dealing with it, and hoping it will go away.

I keep pushing for a conclusion though. Telling him latley that a real man knows how to get rid of his problems, and has the balls to say its done. I've already said its done, i just want him to agree.. maybe lame, but i need to hear it.

good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 8:31am
Hey Dusty, hun

Seems we are still in the same place... I wonder what went wrong. why was that day so different to all the others which had gone before. what was that I did or said that no longer became "worth it". What makes my heart bleed the most is knowing that i wont see those little emails (which I marked to always come up in Blue) - which always made me smile and made my heart skip a beat. Yes I am still here, yes I am still alive, yes life continues ... but it's not the same now. my little ray of light has been distinguished - and I miss him so much. I know how you feel. It's just dreadful isn't it? When will it feel better, i wonder.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 10:54am
Oh, Lordy...do I know what you mean. I'm "pretty sure" my A ended yesterday...And I, too, will miss the IM's, checking my email and feel my heart jump when there's something in my "in" box from my man. Or when my cell phone buzzes, looking at the caller ID to see if it is him. It's like, there's nothing to look forward to. I am sure I was addicted to the anticipation of hearing from him. I just got so sick of always going to HIM, always asking about HIS day, having to deal with all the drama in HIS life, but most of all, I just got tired of being his "diversion". This morning I am feeling pretty strong, but as the day goes on, like yesterday, my heart will soften and I will be pretty down. Thanks for sharing your thoughts...glad to know there somewhere I can go to get some support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 11:05am
Hi Neurotica honey, I don't think its anything you said or did that started this. Its all about how HE is feeling. Same with my MM. What's going on in their heads, I have no idea.

But I am trying to get thru one day at a time. Hoping to hear from him again (I think). I believe if its meant to be, I will hear from him again. I mean, its been 3 weeks, we've been in NC for longer than that before. But it still hurts not knowing whats going on for sure.

I don't know when it will feel better. All I know is, I feel alot better and don't think about him when I am with my children. So the workdays are the hardest for me, that was when we would be chatting all morning or afternoon long over the IM.

Anyways, have a good day, I am trying to also!!

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 12:14am
Sweetie i totally understand where you are coming from, my MM told me he loved me over the computer and told me that he still wanted us and even went so far to lie to me when i asked him what was it about me that kept him holding on this and he said "faith" so "he could find happiness one day" basically MM made me think i meant everything to him when i really didnt mean anything to him. I know how much you are hurting, trust me i am also dealing with it and it doesnt seem to be getting any easier for me, my MM left aftr saying he loved me and hasnt contacted me to tell me to "kiss his A.., or "it's over". Why is it so hard for men to tell a woman goodbye. MM thinks he is probably giving me closure but walking away without letting me know what's going on isnt giving me any closure, if anything it's making it ten times worse. I trusted and loved my MM just like you did with your MM and all they did was walk all over us but what "goes around comes around" and i believe that one day he will be kicking his own self in the rear for letting such a good thing go. I do agree about the immaturity part someone posted, i do feel like MM just trys to run away from his problems instead of facing them like a man should do. MM and I are still young actually only two days apart but i am much more maturer than MM is b/c i knew what i was getting myself into and i have tried to keep the A through all of the ups and downs. Anyways, i want you to know i feel your pain and i know what you are going thru. I feel like if i heard it was over from MM then i could move pass this and go on with my life but as of right now, i am stuck and i dont feel it is fair what any of the MM's are doing to us. Lately, i have started to feel bitter towards men in general and i feel i have every right to be since i did get my heart broken by a man i truly loved and cared about but i guess my feelings dont really matter anymore, We were together for a year and 3 mths and if i could go back and change what i have done then i definitely would but i cant so i try to go day by day and not try to think about MM but lately that just seems impossible when everytime i have all of these memories thrown in my face. I wonder if MM thinks about me or if it's bothering him but i know he is just fine, it isnt bothering him and making him stay up at nite crying into his pillow so why should i. Sorry this was long, i just needed to vent, but my thoughts are with you and i hope things get better for you and me both. Take care and hugs!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 8:40am
Hi Georgia, I know you're going thru a hard time now too and I'm here for you, and for Neurotica and xxx trouble too. Its so hard and it seems like we all go thru cycles with this.

As for how does the MM feel about us? Do they think about us? Do they cry over us? Well, I doubt the crying part anyways. But I can't believe they dont at least THINK about us. I know in our R, we had some REALLY good times, there's no way he could ever forget about them!! But the question is, will he miss them enough to come back? So far, I don't know. In the past, he always has come back to me. It may be 2 weeks or it may be 8, but he has always come back. So I'm still keeping my fingers crossed.

I still need him for what he gave me. Until my circumstances change, its going to be really hard to get through the weeks and months without him. Take care,

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 8:52am
hello D

Good to see you on the board. I read your post twice. I really hope you are right. For me, this is Day 7 of NC and its killing me. Funny thing is (not funny at all actually) I bet he hasn't even thought about me, or noticed the lack of contact. Yesterday I felt strong, today I feel weak. I am so close to emailing him - but I just keep trying to remind myself that you can't force a person to think about you. My birthday is in a few days time. I will be watching my mail to see if he remembers .. but in my guts I know I wont hear a word. I am not holding out much hope. You know I feel so tired of this. This morning was the 7th morning I have woken in tears. The 7th morning I have sobbed and sobbed. The 7th morning since he said "I have no time for you, my life is so full".

Girls, we have to pull together and be strong for each other. I am posting here because it stops me from mailing him. To know we are not alone is a really great thing.

One day at a time.

-N

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