My Affair is not unique but I am

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2010
My Affair is not unique but I am
3
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 9:42am
I am on this board for support & help..I am not on a board for help with my affair.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 10:22am

Hi Pilates-


Of course- every situation is unique; however, so many of the A's and habits of A-havers are the same... and the vets here are just "warning" you about perpetuating postive or fantasy-filled thoughts of xap. Looking forward to seeing him is definitely a warning sign. Many who have come before you with that attitude have fallen back into the A the first time xap fishes. So, yes, you come here for support, but sometimes that is going to come in the form of tough love. If one of us here sees you partaking in self destructive behavior or behavior that has led to the downfall of others, we will tell you how we feel. I resisted the tough love here when I first ended my A. I protested- you don't know me, you don't know xap, you don't know what it's like... but when I let down the walls and listened and followed the advice of those who have BTDT, I started to heal. THey do know what it's like. They have walked in my shoes and they have come out on the other side. If you simply want us to pat you on the back, you've come to the wrong place. You will get plenty of support, for sure. I would have died without the support given here. But I woud have also died if no one put the screws to me and made me be accountable.


Hugs,


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 10:28am

I'm a west coaster and still early here. Not enough coffee in me to remember what you said about being excited to see your X, and too lazy and pressed for time to look it up. Will you kindly remind me?

From the sound of this post, you are stinging because one or some told you that your behavior is dangerous and that you are risking failure. Pride before the fall, Dear. Pride before the fall. Newbies, and I was in that group not too long ago, sometimes buck when saddled with the tough-love that comes their way. I know I didn't like being 'told', but I accepted that I was probably a leeeetle bit of a dumbass when it came to running my life -- obviously --- right? I was ending an A, wasn't I? I had to learn to trust, accept, take in with an open heart all the stinging comments. If they sting, think of the comments as a sort of emotional-antiseptic for the wounds you've caused yourself. I know my toddlers scream like the dickens and fuss like crazy trying to avoid the Bactine I squirt on their scraped knees. but, a Mom's gotta do what a Mom's gotta do.

Everybody here is rooting for your success in every aspect of your life and don't be defensive. We are a board of loving support and encouragement. If someone's comment is out of line or off base, they are usually snapped back in line quick like. So, if you're getting comments that don't sit right with you, and nobody else is jumping all over the poster, maybe you should take the advice given to heart. When you get comments from Iddy and E1, or any of the other amazing long-time Vets, you'd be wise to tattoo those comments on the palm of your hand. I've been on this board for 7 months now, and I've read every single comment the Vets made from the past, before me; every word they write is golden - I've never seen a misstep or gaff. So, trust in the them and the other lovely ladies (and occasional man).

Better days ahead.
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 10:27pm

My sis Pilates,


but my situation is unique.