my 'best friend' and my partner ):

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
my 'best friend' and my partner ):
19
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 1:24pm

i have never included this part of my affair story. Maybe it's because I felt my actions were so awful that I had no right to feel anything at all - that I got what I got because I deserved it. With the support of wcf, I have decided to share the following here hoping to get some perspective.

Here is the email I sent her:

My best friend and H - they had an EA affair. About 2 months after my DDay. for about 2 months. For those who may not know, I told my H about my feelings for my xAP straight away, and told him the first time we kissed. He never asked me to end the affair, but did want me to try and be honest with him about what was happening and to continue to demonstrate that our family and him would continue to come first. This meant I disclosed the whens & where's ... sometimes this meant that all of us were together and I negotiated the space between us. This was usually at functions, such as weddings, and involved lots of open communication and planning to ensure we could all feel okay. [i know i know - I feel sick just writing it out].

My BFF is the one who told me because she couldn't handle it and didn't feel strong enough to stop it on her own without me knowing. Who knows how long it would have lasted, or how far it would have gone had she not told me. I WAS very grateful she told me (and this certainly frames the torment I had in the affiar about not telling xAP's wife, and why I did opt to tell her the truth when she asked me against her H's wishes).

Apparently they had kissed a few times and cuddled on her couch ... I don't know all of it I am sure.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009

My Beautiful TU,

My heart goes out to you, honey, but you are a very strong woman who will get through this. I have to agree with Mom_MAMB re. the NC thing, though not whether your H does this with BFF, but you need to - no question.

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010

Big hugs and love to you TU!

----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009

(I'm just going to do this emo barfing style - because it's all just too much for me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Foggy - what you said was _beautiful_ and you know it! ;) Thank you for the kind words.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
thank you to everyone. instant love, support, care & wisdom - I am weeping with gratitude.

i barely have the strength to type this.

i just had to sit 3 feet away from a-hole as i presented work ...

raged at H tonight (yes we are separated Iddy and that is also so screwed-up as he remains uncertain regarding reconciliation after leaving 1.5 years ago - this is worthy of a separate thread).

He has no desire to see BFF and no problems with LC (for our kids sake).

I need to take some time to really process this through. I can't do it today. Maybe not even tomorrow. I know that I will be talking to her about this as soon as possible.

an exhausted TU is done for today.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Transcended, you have given me such amazing encouragement in my short time here on EAS and my heart goes out to you in this painful situation. Stepping back and creating distance may help to process all of this and come to a point where it is acknowledged how this changes your friendship. You are an inspiration to everyone on all the hard work you have done and are doing on accountability. My prayers and thoughts are with you. Big hugs to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005

Thank you Dee for saying what I was thinking and now I don't have to get worn out doing so.

TU....I'dda been so pissed off (masking hurt of course) that they would have the nerve to sit there all buddied up in front of me like that....really, incredibly callous.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010

Pages