My big fat royal mistake or was it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
My big fat royal mistake or was it.
15
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 11:18am

So, this week has been an emotional mess for me. I really felt like I was doing so well at the beginning, but as the week wore on, I could feel myself struggling - I withstood, I cut my cell service for a while (Yes I will go to that great length), I turned off my computer at home so that I wasn't really tempted, I surrounded myself with my kids and things that needed to be done - yesterday afternoon I even gave myself permission to go out to dinner (a rare treat for us) because I had made it through. I spent time with my kids and friends at a local bar and grill - we laughed, we laughed until our sides hurt. We came home late. all was well.

At 1:30 a.m. my home phone rang. Rather than letting the answering machine get it - I just picked up and answered - I didn't even check the caller ID - and it was him. A big huge royal mistake.

We ended up speaking for a few minutes - he was upset, and began telling me things were over (insert eye roll here). I let him speak his piece - let him break things off with me - and then I told him I had to go. I figured that if he had whatever closure he needed - maybe he would stop with trying to get a hold of me - so I let him speak his piece.

And then this morning - I called my phone company and had them change my home phone number (I cannot block phone numbers on our landline). It's a huge inconvenience, especially because I had to stop and notify everyone I know, change it on all of my credit cards and other bills AND this means my start date for NC has to begin again...

- BUT -

I didn't initiate contact, I didn't give in. I didn't back down, or allow his rhetoric to sway my resolve and or my choices regarding my future. If anything - I feel like it may be my path to going NC is a little clearer. All that being said - I don't suppose that he really meant a lot of what he said - and I DO think he will try again to contact me, which is why I changed my number. I've also already decided to change my cell number when I restart my service. My kids and I are getting ready to move to a new house - which means he will no longer have any way to contact me -

I am feeling more at peace than ever this morning.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 12:39pm

It's Okay, lellibee. You do not have to start your NC counter over again. This was an innocent mistake and although you could have hung up, I don't think many gals on here would have done that either. As long as he did most of the blah, blah, blah, and you weren't asking questions or getting sloppy, then just let this go. Changing your home phone # was a big step and I am proud of you.


((Hugs)))

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 11:04pm

LB,
I'm also proud of you for changing your numbers and whatnot. That is a huge step towards NC in the future. However, I think I want to call BS on you re: the 1:30 am phone call. When the phone rings at that hour, it's never good - and nobody nonchalantly picks up the phone then. Am I wrong here? Or do you need to say, "yah, I knew it'd be him..." and confront that within yourself and with us? Just saying... I think you need to keep it 100% real if you want to get to that better place sooner rather than later.

Again, just want to reiterate, I think it's great that you're taking such outstanding measures to protect yourself from contact.

Best,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 11:27pm

I agree with iddy...and if you read what I posted, my ex-MM called me in July and I answered it too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Sun, 08-22-2010 - 1:42pm

You are blocking and walking and I am so proud of you. That takes great strength. Self protection is the key in these situations and you are doing all you can. I have great faith that you will be very successful in moving forward and leaving the A behind.

Hugs,

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 7:00am

Thanks Iddy,


You know it was the oddest sensation while he was talking - in fact it did sound like blah blah blah - Changing my home phone number has caused a MYRIAD of problems this weekend, but all in all still the best decision I made all weekend!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 7:04am

Dee,


While I do understand your doubt and wanting to call BS - you have to know that my oldest child was still out and about and when he is out late he does call me to let me know when he is on the way home, etc.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 7:09am

Mickey,


Thanks so much for the support -


did you obsess over it all night??

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 7:11am

Thanks Jane,


I love the term blocking and walking - lol it always illicits a vision of walking and putting up blocks behind me to protect me in some weird way!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 7:11am

Hi lelli


I dont think we have talked before.... welcome


Good on you re changing numbers etc....and protecting your NC


New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 9:11am

That clarification is great to know and I hope that you don't take offense to me asking about it. We all need to have our feet held to the fire in the beginning and it's such a relief to hear that you're doing the same for yourself. You have amazing potential as an ender and you should know that a lot of us have higher expectation from you; I know I do!

Best,
Dee

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