My big fat royal mistake or was it.
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| Sat, 08-21-2010 - 11:18am |
So, this week has been an emotional mess for me. I really felt like I was doing so well at the beginning, but as the week wore on, I could feel myself struggling - I withstood, I cut my cell service for a while (Yes I will go to that great length), I turned off my computer at home so that I wasn't really tempted, I surrounded myself with my kids and things that needed to be done - yesterday afternoon I even gave myself permission to go out to dinner (a rare treat for us) because I had made it through. I spent time with my kids and friends at a local bar and grill - we laughed, we laughed until our sides hurt. We came home late. all was well.
At 1:30 a.m. my home phone rang. Rather than letting the answering machine get it - I just picked up and answered - I didn't even check the caller ID - and it was him. A big huge royal mistake.
We ended up speaking for a few minutes - he was upset, and began telling me things were over (insert eye roll here). I let him speak his piece - let him break things off with me - and then I told him I had to go. I figured that if he had whatever closure he needed - maybe he would stop with trying to get a hold of me - so I let him speak his piece.
And then this morning - I called my phone company and had them change my home phone number (I cannot block phone numbers on our landline). It's a huge inconvenience, especially because I had to stop and notify everyone I know, change it on all of my credit cards and other bills AND this means my start date for NC has to begin again...
- BUT -
I didn't initiate contact, I didn't give in. I didn't back down, or allow his rhetoric to sway my resolve and or my choices regarding my future. If anything - I feel like it may be my path to going NC is a little clearer. All that being said - I don't suppose that he really meant a lot of what he said - and I DO think he will try again to contact me, which is why I changed my number. I've also already decided to change my cell number when I restart my service. My kids and I are getting ready to move to a new house - which means he will no longer have any way to contact me -
I am feeling more at peace than ever this morning.


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Hi Lelli
It's odd to me how outside the whole A I feel - almost like a stranger looking from the outside in.
As the weeks go by i am really quite looking forward to this occuring and i feel it is not far off now .. fingers crossed......
New Choices, New Chapter,
New Challenges,
Mickey,
you face the reality that it's YOU, not ex-MM that's dragging it on....and enough's enough.
Ah Mickey - that is the truth if ever I have heard it. It did take me quite a few off and on again moments to finally be over it - but I still have moments I linger on the idea of "what if it all came true - what he originally offered?"
Lellibee,
As soon as I'm done posting, I'll check out the youtube.
I've thought about 'what if ex-MM HAD left W to be with me?' and the more and more time passes, the more and more I think that it would've have worked.
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