As my child sobbed
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| Thu, 08-05-2010 - 10:13am |
As my child sobbed into my arms last evening,
I was overcome with emotions: grief, loss, shame, remorse.
As my 12 year old son begged me to 'let' daddy move home,
my heart broke into a thousand tiny pieces.
As he curled into my lap I held him, this beautiful
child of mine, I reflected on the choices I had made that
brought us 'here'.
Hundreds of times I could have made a different choice. Even after my H knew of the A, I justified my continuing it because it felt good to ME. I was drowning and I decided to take my whole family down with me - 3 children and a H. Not to mention the impacts on my xAP and his family.
To the lurkers:
... not sure that you can manage the pain of leaving xAP, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT PAIN IS UNTIL YOUR CHILD(REN) BEG TO HAVE THEIR FAMILY BACK TOGETHER!
You have no idea how sorry and regretful you will be that you EVER risked their futures to engage in such selfish, destructive behavior.
You can continue to believe a DDay won't happen to you, and gamble away the future of your whole family ... but don't think for a moment that your affair isn't robbing all of them of 'you' and that a DDay couldn't happen.
You can continue to seek advice and support from others drowning right along side you (btdt), or you can reach out of the water toward the outreached hands from the boat just beside you.
We will gladly pull you aboard.
It is YOUR choice.
Remember that.
I hope you will make the right one sooner than later.
TU.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
Edited 8/5/2010 10:15 am ET by transcendingus

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ITA that not all M ppl who have an A do so because they have a bad M. I have a sister-in-law/brother-in-law who haven't had s*x in seven years and neither of them has had an A. They agree that they have a very good relationship other than s*x and although he wants to she doesn't and they make it work inspite of. I had an A because of my own issues also. I have a very good DH who had an A but he is a decent and moral guy (minus the A). I shut down on my DH for years and he begged me to get help before his A. He even told me six months before the A started that he would never leave me but he needed to be loved.
I hope that you and your DH can work things out for your family. Sometimes we are in bad places. I know I lied and manipulated my XAP making him think that my DH was a bad man when in actuality my DH is the best man I have ever met. It comes with the territory in A. We say and do anything to get our fix.
I agree, totally.
I have posted many times, that I wasn't in a bad marriage, and that we are in Love to this day. I never bad mouthed my H to anyone. I think he is the most amazing man, a fantastic father and an incredible best friend. Nope - this was on me. With counseling, I have come to understand what was going on in my relationship beside the A, that also needed tending to if we were both to find our relationship satisfying. My H has battled with alcohol addiction, and he is unable/unwilling to address these issues. I can't live with on-going alcohol addiction - it has been 13 years.
TU.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
Ya know, I don't think this is a helpful question or really pertinent to what we're trying to accomplish on this board.
(((((((((((TU
Your situation breaks my heart.
wish you luck
TU,
Mommy to mommy I am very sorry.
TU-
I came to the board today because you said you posted here and I was not prepared to read this even though I know the torment you've been going through. And I also know that no matter what anyone says here, you are going to hurt and it is warranted. I do want to commend you for your courage in sharing here so that maybe, just maybe, others can learn, but you and I both know how hard it is to learn until you experience. I don't know how many times people told me what I was doing was gonna end in a whole lotta hurt for many people, and while I believed them, I allowed it to happen. Here's where I know you and your kids and your DH will not only survive this, but thrive. You told me once that living transparently is the only way to live. You are doing so. And while you are suffering a terrible consequence for having done so, you are also seeing that you are you. You are owning up to your transgressions. You have laid everything out on the table. You will one day walk proud, with head held high, that though you made a mistake once that had great consequences, you took more from it than most people would. You are an amazing woman who has single-handedly carried me through some very recent dark times- always knowing when to dish out the tough love and when to be soft and kind and understanding. For you, I wish nothing but the purest happiness that you can find. And because it's you, I know that out of this dark time, an amazing woman will emerge. I wish you didn't have to experience this pain, but I know that you will take this pain and use it to transform yourself. You will thrive TU because you are you.
Love,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
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