My final letter to xMM--really!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
My final letter to xMM--really!!!
1
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 9:08pm
This is the last correspondence I sent to my xMM

After almost three months of NC, we ran into each other at a work-related training event a few days ago. (We're in the same field of work, but have never, until the other day, worked together).

I addressed a few comments he'd made in an e-mail that he sent after our training session in which he stated he wasn't ready to leave his kids yet, but hoped we could perhaps still keep in touch...

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I don't think of you as an immature jerk at all, but I do feel like I'd been strung along a bit. I guess that's my fault for thinking that it could possibly happen that you'd take steps to get out of a marriage that from my (limited) view of things, seemed to be unsatisfactory for you. I'm sure there are many more reasons to STAY married than there are to divorce, (even though she had an affair, too.)I am just blind to them.

I don't suppose you've ever confessed your indiscretions at all?

As for leaving your kids...how exactly would you leave them? Isn't there some sort of visitation law set up, so that fathers can still spend quality time with their children, even if the marriage doesn't work out? My daughter still sees her dad, and she's far past the age of court-ordered visitations. Staying married for the sake of the kids seems to me to be such an insult to the marriage itself. I don't know how anyone could live that sort of life. Kids can pick up so much. They know exactly what's going on. And all I know is that people who try to make a relationship outside of their marriage work are doomed, and the persons with whom they cheat with are absolutely miserable, despondent, and excruciatingly lonely.

I think about you every single day. Sometimes it's only for a bit, as I've been trying to move ahead with my life because I know I have no place in your life at all. There is no room for me there, as long as you are in a committed marriage.

Someday soon, I hope to have a date with someone who is actually available. And, although it seems virtually impossible, I want to fall in love with someone as much as I Iove you, and live happily ever after.

The only way I can ever hope to accomplish that is if I never see, talk to, or hear from you in anyway ever again. It hurts me to say it, but it's all your choice, it's always been your choice, and I know what your choice will be.

I still wish you all the best of everything.

Me

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So, after sending him that, I think I am actually ready to move on with my life. It has been a very difficult road, as you all know how that can be. I'm confident that I can maintain NC and perhaps even enter a dating relationship with someone who is AVAILABLE.

And to 'free', who responded to an earlier post, saying that maybe God sent this xMM to me one more time in order for me to say one final "NO" to any further communications b/c He wanted to show me how far I've come. Thanks, free, for pointing that possibility out to me!!!

Wishing everyone all the best, happiness, peace of mind,

grace

Grace
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 9:21pm
Dear Grace,

Your post has me teary eyed. I know how difficult is was for you to press that "send" button. These men just make us crazy for some reason but you are so deserving of someone who is available to cherish and love you in the way you deserve. You have already shown an incredible amount of strength by sending that email to the MM, keep up the good work hon, it will only make you stronger. We are here for you, believe me this board can be an incredible source of strength. Sleep tight tonight.

Cowgirl