My H found out....and I broke NC!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
My H found out....and I broke NC!
13
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 1:34am
Hello all,

It has been awhile since I last posted....am still a little shell-shocked from the events of this past Friday. For those of you who don't know my story (I'll try to condense this!)....I was involved in a 2-year, emotional, long-distance A with my high school sweetheart. It ended in October....we had been NC for just over 9 weeks. Meanwhile, my H got called up for military duty. He got to come home from training for 12 days at Christmas before heading overseas. Things have not been great between me and my H for some time now. For years he has not shown much interest in me or anything I was doing, so I didn't think he knew or suspected anything about XMM. Well, as we were getting ready to leave for the airport last Friday, he calmly informs me that he knows all about XMM! He found some E-mails that I had printed out (I am an idiot, I know!), and he also found a journal of mine. He said he had known something was going on for almost a year! I couldn't believe it. The irony here is that the A is now over. I told him this....not sure if he believes me or not.

So....you can imagine what a fun ride it was to the airport! The weird thing is, he didn't yell, scream or anything else.....in fact, he was strangely calm about the whole thing. I don't know what to think. So, he is now overseas, and likely won't be home until September. I have no idea what will happen to our marriage when he gets back. After returning from the airport, I couldn't help myself -- I broke 9 weeks of NC and called XMM. I wanted him to know that my H knows everything. We talked for about 45 minutes. Although there were some tears on my part, I don't think talking with him has set me too far back in my progress. I found out he is *still* unemployed! This was a major reason that we "broke up." He has been unemployed for over a year now, and is quite depressed about it. He had told me that he needed to focus on finding a job. (I wanted to point out that breaking things off with me hasn't seemed to help him find a job, but of course I didn't!) He did say that he still loved me, and that he has for over 20 years now. I think that was something I needed to hear. I really haven't been tempted to contact him again (at least not yet). He has a lot of problems right now, and I definitely don't need any more of those in my life!

So, here I sit, without my H (at least for the next 8 months) and without XMM in my life anymore. It seems to me these A's rarely end well for us women. I have managed to make my marriage worse than it already was, and lost XMM in the end anyway. Definitely *not* worth it!! I am going to try to focus now on taking care of my kids and my house, and try to stay out of trouble! Also now that my "crisis" is over, I hope to be able to offer some help and advice to others on this board. Thanks for reading my story....

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Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 01-11-2004 - 9:21am
I'm glad that your husband emailed you and the two of you atleast are talking about it....the separation that you have now may be a good thing...a period of reflection. It is very hard to living under the same roof after an A is found out...its a bit chilly to say the least, and you have to put an act in front of the children that everything is fine.

I think we emailed eachother before..don't you live in texas?

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Sun, 01-11-2004 - 11:00pm
Hi again,

Yes, I think you are right about the separation being a good thing right now. It definitely gives us each plenty of time to think about things. That's funny, I do live in Texas, but I'm pretty sure we've never E-mailed each other before. Maybe it was someone else??

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 3:01pm
No, i'm pretty sure it was you.....you probably just don't remember me.....Unless it was another military wife with a husband that is deployed alot just like you....I should get her in touch with you! You both have alot in common. Anyway I'll try and email you today.

Jazzdiva

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