My heart aches for him...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2010
My heart aches for him...
14
Sun, 04-25-2010 - 6:33pm

Hi All!


This is my first post although I have been reading this message board for a while. I just wanted to get my story out to get your thoughts. 12 years ago I married a great man who I was in awe about, had loads of laughs and fun, and was extremely attracted to. As in every marriage, we had our ups and downs and fights especially when the kids came (we have 2). Throughout the M I feel overwhelmed with work, family, finances

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 8:50am

Ella~


Welcome....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2010
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 1:33pm

Dee,


Thank you so much for your post. There could be hope for me. I just hope that I can stick to the NC rule. I had at one point not seen him for a whole year, but logistics made it easier since I was out of the state. Throughout that time we still spoke on the phone, though. We were good friends.


Now – I’m trying to keep busy so as not to think about him. The time I would have spent with him I am spending catching up with friends.


As for accepting the truth…my truth is still that we shared something special, that destiny brought us together for a reason! I know I am such a woose!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 2:01pm

Ella,

You cannot "hope" you can keep NC; you just DO IT. It's difficult but there are tools to make it manageable and achievable. You need to have a game plan in place - preparedness is KEY. Don't wait until you're down or tempted or stressed to make the crucial decision about NC.

I thought my xAP and I were dear friends, too. Losing that 'friendship' was, I thought at the time, to be the most painful part of ending the A. As you come farther and farther out of the A, and the A-Fog begins to lift --- trust me ---- you will feel differently. No use at this point in telling you he wasn't your friend.. not now... you are not ready to hear it. Just please keep an open mind that you are not seeing reality right now and that there is another perspective that you should be searching for.

Embrace the pain. Concur it and make it your b*tch. It's an amazing tool and impetus for growth and change. You're going to be fine, as long as you keep moving forward.

Best,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Wed, 04-28-2010 - 5:01pm

Oh Ella- Dee is right. You can't hope to maintain NC. You have to "just do it." Hope leaves room for failure. Hope gives you an out. You have no choice, my dear. Believe us when we tell you that NC is the only way.


You said: As for accepting the truth…my truth is still that we shared something special, that destiny brought us together for a reason! I know I am such a woose!

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/

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