My heart is broken
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|Tue, 12-31-2013 - 4:56pm|
I am a lurker on various iVillage boards. Something devastating happened, and as with everything affair-related, the worst part is I have NO ONE I can talk to about it. My kids are wondering why mommy is crying so much. I have hidden this from my best girlfriends because I was ashamed. I thought I could at least post this here to get things off my chest, and if anyone has any advice or words of wisdom, those would be appreciated too.
I am married with young kids, and have been in a very bad marriage for the last few years. My husband and I barely talk, much less have any intimacy or sex. This was a somewhat gradual shift over time, and it's a long story re: how things got so bad, but it is what it is, and for many reasons, I feel like I can't get out of the situation.
So... I am ashamed to admit, I met someone on a dating website. I never expected to actually meet in person, but this man was SO courteous, kind, supportive, and appreciative of me from the beginning. Before long, we wanted to see each other all the time; the sex and chemistry were great. He was in the same situation -- in a bad marriage but stuck there.
He was incredibly attentive, caring, supportive, and we emailed every day and saw each other a few times a week, for months.
And then. I never quite got out of the habit of browsing the dating site, for entertainment. Last month, I found an ad that sounded a lot like my friend. I asked him about it. He said, "I would never try to meet someone else when I am with you. I want to see you more, and put my energy there!" I believed him. Dumb.
Then I saw another ad that sounded a lot like him. This time, I decided that just to ease my mind, I would quickly create a fake email and respond. Just to rule out that it was him. Well, surprise... it was him. I was, and am, devastated. I ended it immediately.
I was completely there for this man... saw him whenever he wanted... I don't think I could have done anything differently. I think he is just a serial cheater. And I just feel so DUMB, because that's how we met! I should have known that that's just his "thing." I should never have believed him when he told me how much he liked me and how special I was to him.
So I should have known better, but regardless, this is an incredible loss to me... of someone who had been like a best friend and partner, and I can't even talk to anyone about it and it sucks. I just hope he is somewhat feeling the loss too.
Thanks for reading, and I hope everyone has a happy new year.