My life should be a TV movie...
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My life should be a TV movie...
| Sun, 09-12-2004 - 9:45pm |
I feel like I'm just watching my life go by like a bad Lifetime made for tv movie. This MM of mine should be the last thing on my mind right now. Here I am 600 miles and several states away from what I consider home, trying to unpack boxes and get the kids settled into their new schools. I have a H who is fighting cancer. Inlaws who have moved less than a mile away to help take care of H. All I can think of is " why can't I be with him?" I've just been so low today for some reason, more so than usual. I have to say my H has been very kind and considerate. He wants me to open up to him, but I don't feel like it would do either of us any good, yes he knows about the MM. He had his own affair many years ago and tells me it will just take time to get over. He knows I'm in pain over my affair ending and it just kills me to see him in so much pain too. Well, here he comes

YOU are under extreme stress right now. Stress is a button pusher for wanting to escape to more pleasant times and memories. That is why you are thinking of him, and all the stuff going on, (the move, the illness, the huge changes in your life) are contributing to your feeling down and lonely. You can catch yourself before falling too far by saying over and over, "This too shall pass."
Take a breather at the first chance possible. It's time to pamper the jellybean. A nice long hot bath with a good book sounds good for starters. You are facing *HUGE* changes right now, while also dealing with a loss. Not an easy time for you....so I am sending you a BIG hug..(((((((JELLYBEAN87)))))))....and be kind to yourself whenever you can.
~True~
I agree with True. It's time to take care of yourself and do something just for you. You are under an enormous amount of stress, and I have definately noticed that's a trigger for me. I'm dealing with illness in my family, too, and when the going gets tough, my mind drifts into lala-land. It's so hard to focus on dealing with the issues you are faced with when all you can think about is him. That's exactly why your mind does that- it's an escape mechanism. It seems that the only way to break that cycle is to keep NC and try to focus on yourself. Easier said than done, I know. I am in counseling right now to try to deal with the same issue.
You can do this, though. You sound like you have a good support system and a great attitude. Stay strong and ride out those waves.
I'm here if you need me!
Love, Lily
Honey, I wish I had some words of wisdom but I really don't. Just try to believe that the XMM is filling the void left in your life by the stress of your husband's illness and relocation. These are really, really tough things to deal with. Give yourself a break. You can't control your thoughts, you know. You can't help it that you'd rather be with someone else right now, and be somewhere else. But you can NOT ACT ON IT!!!
I know, sometimes its so much easier to give this advice out than to actually follow it, but give it your best shot. Eventually, you may feel better about your choices and find some peace in the fact that you're doing the right thing in staying with your H during his illness. Hang in there, honey. I do understand how appealing it is to escape! Love, Mo.