On my mind again this morning....
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 06-21-2010 - 9:12am |
....but this time it's soooo different!
For whatever reason, the second I opened my eyes this morning, I thought about the final conversation I had with him. The conversation that was my "ah-ha" moment.
We had gotten into a very minor argument. An argument that was easily something remedied with some conversation. However, instead of trying to talk about it, he said "I should have stopped talking to you the last time I said I would". So instead of getting hurt or upset, I said "wow, that's nice. Thanks. I have never been anything but nice to you and that is how you act toward me". Did not hear from him until the next day, and he replied " I was a bit harsh. I want to be friends and I will try to keep the sexual stuff out". So I thought to myself...okay, that is probably the 15th time we have done this dance, so what do I say to him? I simply said "okay" and said nothing else. Before he left work he had said to me "well, I am off for my sons baseball game and I am taking off friday to make it a 5 day weekend." Now, when he writes me before he leaves for a weekend and I write him back, I would never, ever hear from him until Monday. So I said nothing. He did not say to me have a good weekend. He did not say Have a great birthday weekend. He simply told me what HE was doing with zero regard for me. So, since I did not respond, later that night he emails me "Did you get my email?". I said "yes, anything else you need to tell me?" He said "no". That is when I came here and read, and read, and read some more. The next thing he heard from me was to please do not contact me.
That is what was in my mind this morning. It was screaming at me loud and clear. That is the reality of it. Not the sunshine and rainbows that my mind wants to pretend it was. For whatever reason, that back and forth with him showed me everything I needed to see. It made me realize just how selfish he was and how little he cared about me. Which I should have realized back in November when my husband was in a bad car accident. I told him and he said "well, that is why I hate driving in that area". Wow. He then got mad at me because I did not want to talk to him that night. That was the first time I tried NC. Lasted 2 weeks and I caved. Not this time though. This time, I have support and lots of positive reading materials to keep my head and focus where it should be.
Feeling good today. Feeling good!

Ahhh, the loving and caring responses of XMM. We are all so well versed in those selfish remarks and comments. They dont care about what goes on in our lives, they only care about their own and never the two shall cross. During my A, my 9 yr old son had surgery for a chronic bone disease and had to walk with a walker. I mentioned how heart wrenching it was to see your child struggle. Xmm response was...."I know what you mean, try