My N/C has a twist...Need advice
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My N/C has a twist...Need advice
| Thu, 09-30-2004 - 9:15am |
Ok my MM and I have known each other since 20 years ago. After three years of on again off again, I ended it (again) this summer. We weren't getting anywhere and he always professes his love for me but rarely is able to act on it. (We have had IC only a couple times). He also lives six hours away so that made the IC even harder to have. But anyway after weeks of No contact, AND feeling GREAT about the man I married again..I decided I could handle friendship contact. An occasional email even would be good. After all we went to H.S. together and I didn't want things between us to be awful forever. So he was glad to hear that, but he emails me several emails stating his feelings for me and his love for me is still as strong as ever, but he has feared acting on that all this time. I felt mad that he had to introduce that stuff--fully knowing it would do us no good. It made me almost mad. Basically he admits he loves me but is too afraid to ever act on it.
So then I start rethinking this friendship thing..and i tell him i can't be his friend unless that stuff is put away right now. He agrees. But NOW that we start "friendship" I am completely unsure if I CAN be his friend, mainly because I'm starting to wonder if he's bi-polar--(And I mean that seriously, and he is the type that if he WERE bi-polar, he'd NEVER do a thing about it). Example- this past week he emailed some quick messages- he's mad, life is horrible and he wanted to sell his business but his wife didn't like the price. He felt he was living his life for someone else (her) and is in the worst mood possible. Then two days later he is mad that he gave her a simple job to do for his work and she left it in her car, and he was now playing catch up. All this and then in two days he emails me to say "Work is great, sales are great..I'm feeling on top of things for the first time in awhile".. and suddenly he's going on a trip for a week to "wine country".. His wife drinks too much..he had told me she agreed to drinking only once a week, and that he was helping be supportive by doing the same. And Now they're going to vacation in WINE COUNTRY? LMAO. Sorry. I'm just at a loss here. I didn't even respond. He seems to have these mood swings, and contradicts himself on a regular basis. So now- I am GLAD i'm over him..and wonder how do i deal now? I've agreed to friendship and now i am not even sure I want to be his friend. He's selfish and moody, he's thoughtless at times unless it benefits him it seems. All is clear to me now and what do I do? If i end contact all together now i look like the bad one. Do I just not answer, and when he writes again just do the "Oh i've been busy " routine? Do I tell him I'm a little freaked out by his personality and want no more contact? What do you do when someone seems erratic and you don't want to be mean??
So then I start rethinking this friendship thing..and i tell him i can't be his friend unless that stuff is put away right now. He agrees. But NOW that we start "friendship" I am completely unsure if I CAN be his friend, mainly because I'm starting to wonder if he's bi-polar--(And I mean that seriously, and he is the type that if he WERE bi-polar, he'd NEVER do a thing about it). Example- this past week he emailed some quick messages- he's mad, life is horrible and he wanted to sell his business but his wife didn't like the price. He felt he was living his life for someone else (her) and is in the worst mood possible. Then two days later he is mad that he gave her a simple job to do for his work and she left it in her car, and he was now playing catch up. All this and then in two days he emails me to say "Work is great, sales are great..I'm feeling on top of things for the first time in awhile".. and suddenly he's going on a trip for a week to "wine country".. His wife drinks too much..he had told me she agreed to drinking only once a week, and that he was helping be supportive by doing the same. And Now they're going to vacation in WINE COUNTRY? LMAO. Sorry. I'm just at a loss here. I didn't even respond. He seems to have these mood swings, and contradicts himself on a regular basis. So now- I am GLAD i'm over him..and wonder how do i deal now? I've agreed to friendship and now i am not even sure I want to be his friend. He's selfish and moody, he's thoughtless at times unless it benefits him it seems. All is clear to me now and what do I do? If i end contact all together now i look like the bad one. Do I just not answer, and when he writes again just do the "Oh i've been busy " routine? Do I tell him I'm a little freaked out by his personality and want no more contact? What do you do when someone seems erratic and you don't want to be mean??

Edited 10/1/2004 6:21 pm ET ET by sally289
XMM sounds like a manic depressive with the wild mood swings, he may need medication.
They can be exciting people to be around but being around them can be distructive.
I suggest being slow to responed to his e-mails only respond to say one out of 4 and do that briefly with indifference and then just let it slowly reduce to no response at all, better you should responed to the man your married to.
Free