My new boyfriend proposed and I said

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
My new boyfriend proposed and I said
8
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 12:48pm

YES!!!!

I cannot believe that after suffering so much last year when xMM left me and I got a D, that now I am in love and committed to marry a wonderful man.

Today when I woke up I said xMM who??? I can barely even remember him because he gave me NOTHING and what we had wasn't real.

I want to offer hope to those who haven't gotten to the end of grieving. No one loved their xMM or grieved harder or longer than I did. You can't top me. And I have fallen in love again. It is possible.

When I think if xMM came and took me away and married me now, that he could not make me forget my new fiance. I would want my new fiance. Not xMM. xMM betrayed our love, was a coward and paranoid and negative. If we were meant to be together, he would have followed through like I did. I did it. I hurt MY CHILDREN. He did NOTHING.

My new fiance knows all about my A. He told me that he never wants me to cheat on him. And I never want to cheat on my new love. EVER. Never again.

After what I did, sometimes it is hard to feel that I deserve this new love and committed man. Sometimes it is hard to start over with someone new when you have such a long history and so many memories with someone else (I was M for 22 years) These things are difficult to overcome. BAGGAGE if you will. I am not 17 with no past. I have a big past and so does my fiance. We have 7 children between us.

I will struggle with these issues. Fully forgiving myself. Not feeling weird that I am with not my xhusband, not my xmarried man but a third and new man. It feels weird. But at least this is REAL and my fiance is THERE WITH ME every day and we are facing these challenges together.

I want everyone on this board to believe because of me that God has a plan for you that is BETTER than what you want for yourself, but you have to TRUST and give up the wrong affair that can never be made right.

I truly thought that I could not get over xMM or ever love again the way I loved him.

BUT I WAS WRONG.

Survive

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 12:58pm
Congrats, Survive!!!!! I'm not really familiar with your story since you've basically been a lurker here - but I do know from your response to Beautifully Human that we are both attorneys and both trying to "get right" with God after the A. I'm very happy that your life is going so well for you now - it sounds like you suffered enough last year. Best wishes and much happiness! Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 2:08pm

Congrates Survive!!!!!!!
I am so happy for you. I wish you and your future husband a wonderful and happy life together.
It sounds like you have embarked upon this relationship - honesty and trust. I am proud of you and all the progress and soul searching you have done.

This made me smile..........

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 6:04pm
I am at the very beginning stages right now. You give me hope :) Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 6:13pm

SURVIVE

CONGRATULATIONS On this wonderful news.

Truly he is the God of a second chance, many blessings on your marriage.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 8:05pm

survive,

thanks for sharing, u give me hope, u give us here hope

im teary eyed as i read your post, u have found love again and love has found you too

my congratulations to you and your man, i know he deserves you and you deserve him

:)

max

u are like a rainbow in a cloudy day !, u made me smile today

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 12:41am

survive,

i cant stop reading your post, u are the best thing that ever happened to all of us here, (my own opinion)

i always know that there is hope , always, some might think im a fool for believing in hope to much and having too much hope and holding to hope but you are proof of it

SMILES !!!!!!!, i am so happy everytime i read your post, thank you very much for sharing, u dont know how much u have helped me already, i might be still sad and not able to move on or let go but i know that there is hope, i smiled today and i have not smile for a very long time

again, thanks for sharing and best wishes to u and him

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 12:58pm

Dear Max:

I am glad this post gave you hope. That is why I posted this post. I cannot even believe that this has happened to me. Max, you can survive this but it takes a long time. Especially if you grieve it as hard as I did, and you hold on to the love as I did.
I finally let go because the pain was too great and it lasted too long. And ultimately, even though I wanted my xMM to come back, he never could (if he could, he would have because he did love me, but he couldn't) and holding on to him only kept me living in a world in my head all day every day, a sad, sad, world. I was debilitated at work, with my kids, I couldn't cook, I read books to escape and I was incredibly lonely and hearbroken. I didn't really want to live without him because I thought he was my happiness.

I suffered and suffered day after day and he would contact me over the long months and say he still loved me and we would see each other for a few days and then I or he would go back to instituting NC because he would not take any action for me and I would not continue an A. That just kept it alive. But it also slowly helped with closure because I saw how far he was from leaving his W each time.

If it really was true love and we were really supposed to be together--we would be. It shouldn't have been so hard.

Max--grieve this loss. Surround yourself with your real friends and family who are a part of your real life. your x was not willing to share your real life and you deserve that.

I can't tell you how different this new love is that I feel. I don't have to pine and pine and hope and hope and wonder when I will ever see him or how many hours of his time I will have or if he will commit to me and if we will be together. There is none of that worry. He is always there. He shares all my problems and all my good times and I share his and there is no one else--it is just us as a couple.

That is the way love is supposed to be. XMM could never take me away from this because my new man has given me so much--mostly, he has been willing to be a part of my real life--he wants to be there--he will never let me go. That is love,

Survive

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 10:01pm

Survive,

CONGRATULATIONS! I am soooooooooo happy for you! Your post gives me hope as well. I have not had any C with the OM since I found this site. I thank you for sharing your story with me, you have trully been an inspiration. I just hope and pray that I too can find the strength to hold fast to my faith and trust completely in the Lord's plans for me. You are a true representation of what it means to be beautifully human - resilient! Thank you again for sharing, you have been a blessing to many.

In his spirit,

Beautifully Human