My story ---any similar?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2005
My story ---any similar?
3
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 9:27pm

First, I have to say that reading through these posts has been quite therapeutic...when I feel the urge to call my MM, I come to these boards for encouragement...so Thanks. I can't really put a name on what I had with my MM, not just emotional, but not physical either, go figure. I have only known my MM for about 6 months so I should count myself lucky I guess. After 3 very intense months and 2 promises to leave later, I got the picture (at least in my head). I broke it off about a month ago and have had very little contact - only a couple of weak moments over the time frame (pretty proud of that accomplishment!). I am absolutely devistated and keep wondering how in the world I can have been so attached in so short of a time). I know all the right answers and I know the advice I would give to a friend, it's just hard to follow myself to move on. We both decided that this relationship couldn't get overly physical (never did the 'act') until things were in motion - so I think the emotional side got much heavier than if it were just physical. Does anyone out there have a similar situation - an A but not entirely physical?

Every day I pick up the phone and start an email and have to ask myself - what do I hope to get out of this? Usually it's some kind of validation that he's hurting or missing me. Who knows. I also know that I will be more miserable if I send the message and then end up stareing at the phone or screen waiting for a reply that won't come.

I hope and pray every day for him, that he finds happiness b/c he is a great person. I also pray that I am able to open up and trust myself and my judgments again.

I felt like posting for a sort of therapy - so thanks for the indulgence. I would love to hear from any of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 10:16pm

Katie

Welcome to the board.

You have made the right decision in stopping this thing before it consummed your life, affairs are a waste of life that you can never get back again, every day spent in an affair is a day your not available or looking for a real honest above board relationship.

Treat it like a learning experience and then leave it behind you were it belongs.

You sound like a pretty level head Gal so trusting yourself does not sound like a risky idea.

The road to recover is paved with NO CONTACT, recovery for both of you.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 11:43pm

hi katie,

welcome to the board, like FREE said, affairs are a waste of your time, and time is what we dont have a lot, so break free and enjoy your life with someone who can be with u 100%

dont hope and pray for him anymore, help yourself, u have your own life to live and be happy and live it to the fullest, no contact is the best way if possible

it will hurt but the pain will set u free in the end, start making small steps and pretty soon u will on your way to bliss

dont send email, dont call, dont answer him anymore, dont let him control your life anymore, why be miserable and in pain ???? ,yes it hurts like hell, i too look at my email and wait on the phone before and its a terrible feeling , so stop sitting, waiting and wishing for MM, he will not be there for you at all, if he realy want to be with u, u will not be here on this board

take care of yourself first,

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 8:12am

Hey Katie! My thoughts on how you could become so attached to this relationship in only 3 months? I THINK (just my opinion here) when we become involved in an A we find someone who fills those big holes in our life, maybe some glaring weakness in our marriage or self or career. Because we struggle with those "holes" enough to search for a way to fill them, when we finally find the fix it feels tremendously good. That's why attachment can occur so quickly - you've essentially found the "fix" you've been searching for, and you may have been searching for it for a long, long time.

No offense to your AP, but it probably isn't HIM that's so wonderful. It's the feeling you got from him, it's whatever he DID for you. You can get that "hole" filled in other, more healthy, ways. Hang in there, it's toughest in the beginning.

Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10