My very unhappy ending...
Find a Conversation
My very unhappy ending...
| Fri, 10-01-2004 - 12:19pm |
Hi everyone, this is my first visit to this board. I am usually at the affair support board but I guess now this board is more appropriate for me. I met my OM several months ago online. We met after getting to know each other really well and eventually even had IC. Well lately he just seems to be very distant. He works long hours with his business. He is single and has never been married and is 20 years older than I am. I have only been married for 3 years and have a 13 month old dtr. In the past week I have only heard from OM once and I usually here from him everyday. He says he is just busy but is active online every couple of hours. I sent him an e-mail just now and a few minutes later he logged off with no response. I am tired of waiting around to hear from him. I know this is the best thing for me and my family but I will miss him so much. He gave me hope and something to look forward to. I need advice on how to move on. I refuse to be ignored and treated this way.
Thanks.
A
Thanks.
A

As hard as it is to accept, it seems apparent your OM is avoiding you. And you are only torturing yourself by watching it.
This may or may not be a temporary situation. But from what you said, you certainly have far more important things to do then be pining over him.
If you feel compelled to get online, then come to this site and read about the miseries of others caused by these relationships.
Or better yet, turn the computer off, and take that wonderful baby of yours out for a stroll in the park. Meet some other young mothers to get together with, find a mothers day out program, and do lunch.
Treat yourself well, and you won't miss him after a while.
Someday
As I read your post I wondered whether your petulance will fade with more attention from your husband and marriage.
I suggest you spend your new-found extra time from ending your affair to focus on what you and hubby are or aren't doing within your marriage so that you both get the attention you want and need from one another while raising the little one. Having been dad to 4 little ones I'm well aware of the tremendous strain children place on a marriage......
Good luck to you as you re-focus your energies on your marraige and family.
cl-nre
A
Hugs to you!
I have been exactly where you are. It's not an easy place to be. My xOM also just kinda stopped replying to emails and IM's. But I had known him since we were 12 and he had always been such a good friend. It was really hard to loose that connection. He too made me feel alive,sexy and wanted at a time in my marriage that that wasn't happening. But I have found that what was missing most from my marriage was communication. Had I been talking to my husband about the things I was feeling maybe I wouldn't have strayed. But that's not what happened and here we are. I made the choice to walk down this road. I read in your email that you have saved the emails. My best advice to you is to get rid of them. First they will always be a reminder of him, and that will not be healthy for you as you rebuild. Second, my husband was "sensing" something was up and accessed my emails and that's how he found out about the A. I would hate for this to happen in your situation. The good news is my H and I are rebuilding. I wish you much luck with your marriage and baby. Remember that if your H doesn't know what's wrong, he can't help you fix it.
Hugs and lots of luck
Broken
A
What I have learned is that I wasn't as "in love" with xOM as I was with the way he made me feel. I've been married for 13 years...since I was 19. So to have that feeling of having a hot young guy thinkin I was hot...that was wonderful. But all I really did when I was with him was escape reality. I was no one's wife or mother for a few hours. But in hindsight, that's exactly who I am and I lost sight of those things. Don't get me wrong, my marriage hadn't been great,I had made the decision to leave actually before all of this came to a head. But what they say about hitting bottom is true. We are rebuilding from the foundation up. We have both made changes in our behaviors. We realized that we are what's important. This is not an easy road we have chosen. But there is light at the end of the long tunnel.
I still think of xOM when I hear a certian songs on the radio or a certian phrase someone might say. It's been 5 months since I last had contact with him. So things to get better, there will be triggers and good days and bad.... but eventually the good are far more than the bad. Do something for yourself, be with your family, draw strength from the boards.... we've been there and done that. Stay strong one day at a time....
Wishing you strength ......
A
Broken, that is such a great point. That's something I really was really struggling with and Free told me that I am not withdrawing from HIM, but from the way I felt when I was with him.
April, as soon as you get the strength, try to get rid of the old emails. I did it, and it was like a HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders. It took me months, but when I finally did, it was a relief. I don't have to worry about getting weak and reading them or accidently stumbling on his name.
We are here for you. This board is responsible for saving my marriage and my sanity. I'm not there yet, but I am working towards it.
Hugs!
Lily
"Maybe one day I can be happy"......
How about TODAY!!!!!!
You have a choice. Actually many choices...
If you are, as you say, taking your husband for granted, that is YOUR choice. Change it.
If you are feeling that husband is taking you for granted, TELL HIM. Nothing can replace honest conversations between two people who love one another. I have yet to meet a husband, myself included, who deep down absolutely resists responding positively to his wife's kind and gentle voice. We men I think are programmed to respond positively to kind and gentle voices. Let him know you miss the flowers, cards and dating. Yep, dating...it's something married people can do with one another