Is my world starting to crumble?
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| Wed, 09-08-2010 - 12:15am |
Went to work tonight. xMM started back to work after being laid off since January. Funny thing is I have had NC since the beginning of June and have not seen him since the end of May.
Today was in town with one of my daughter's and saw him driving on road. Strange it seems, but thought out of sight, out of mind and perhaps he didn't exist anymore. Now I finally see him around town the night he comes back to work.
Had one Dday almost two years ago with xMM's wife....she called my husband at work twice. He backed me up, I later told him I was attracted to xMM, and all he asked was that if I had slept with him which I hadn't. A was over for a few months and started back up again strong for over a year.
xMM had 2nd day the end of May. I finally came out of A fog, and stopped the lying. I talked to xMM's wife over the phone when he made me apologize to her, I answered all questions asked of me truthfully and even met with her when she asked and answered even more questions.
Fast forward....I made 90 days of NC. I have worked really hard this summer on my marriage and my family. I kept busy. I blocked and walked.
Tonight I almost had to escort xMM into work, but fortunately got another supervisor to do it. I handed xMM his badge, he said hello, I said nothing and walked by. No one noticed.
I started training on a difficult piece of new equipment tonight. I was stressed about the day since I had been anticipating this for a few days now. All went okay, only the one confrontation.
Drove home. Checked emails....had a forward from my husband. It was sent to his WORK email address from xMM's wife...not sure how she obtained his private work email, but she had it. She told my husband that her husband returned to work tonight and the time. All he said in the forward was, 'is this for you?' He knows I was instrumental in getting one employee back to work, perhaps he thinks I helped another. He was in bed when I got home.
I have a bad feeling in my stomach. I am angry and not sure what will happen next. Any thoughts?
Thanks in advance...
MovingON

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A friendly discussion is good. And thank you all for your support.
Yes, I was angry last night at xMM's W with her email, but I understand her pain. But I did nothing and will continue to do nothing. Silence is my stance.
I am hoping that it was a one time email from xMM's W. If she pursues it further, it will be a rough go for everyone.
Yes, because of fear of H learning about the second time around and because I wanted to stop the A cycle and not go for round three, I did all that xMM's W asked of me. I apologized on the phone, in person, answered every uncomfortable question knowing she had verbal ammunition to take to my H. I hoped she wouldn't go to my H and still hope for that. If that was her intention to let my H know, I wish she would've done it a few months ago. Opening things up now might be worse, but I don't have any control over her decisions.
It has been a rough week for me. For 90 days I pushed myself into MY LIFE, took it back, reinvested in my H and my family. I thought less and less of xMM and then when I learned he was coming back to my place of work, many, many thoughts of him consumed me these last few days.
Surprisingly they were not thoughts of the 'blissful times in the A' but more of anger, frustration, disappointment, remorse. My mind could not get past all those issues and go to the happy side of the A like I once could do when I needed an emotional fix. I am grateful I don't need that crutch anymore.
I am bothered that thoughts of xMM occupied my mind last few days, but it is a process in the healing of me. I had thoughts of wanting to confront xMM and ask questions, perhaps still wanting some explanation but always told myself, "why, what is the point? What can he say that will make it better, have any different outcome. There is nothing he can say, so words don't need to be exchanged. Closure comes from ME. I also thought all the hard work I put into the last 97 days would diminish in an instant. NO WAY do I want that to happen!
I will work through it, I will make adjustments at work and carry on.
MovingON
MovingON
I will not be swayed...
She has no right to pursue it with an H that is not even in the loop and that she agreed not to contact when MO met up with her....
SHE has broken NC..... there was an uneasy truce..... thats how it should have stayed
New Choices, New Chapter,
New Challenges,
Okay, not to beat a dead horse, but NC brings up a good point.
xMM's W did agree not to contact my H if I met with her, answered questions, etc. She said she would not contact my H and asked me never to contact her H again. I have not once faltered in my end of the bargain.
I also believe NC is right too, in that if she wanted to hurt me, get revenge, tell my H she should've done it in May or early June, and not start now.
Let's HOPE for everyone's sake it is just a ONE TIME email stating the fact her H returned back to my place of work and nothing more.
MovingON
MovingON
Clarity,
Yeah, I messed up by having the A. I was wrong, I did it twice. Now, I'm hoping my H doesn't get hurt by my actions. He doesn't deserve it and neither do my kids.
Management extended the offer for xMM to come back to work. It's a job for benefits and no where else I know can you work less than ten hours a week and get full benefits for your family without paying a dime out of your pocket.
That being said, as union steward I work for all of our employees. I had seven ppl go on permanent layoff and lose their benefits and have to pay over $1100 a month for them. I fought management when they used double-shifters, had management doing hourly jobs, told the all seven laid off employees how to keep reminding management of their job skills by sending emails and making phone calls. Through perseverance, attrition, and two promotions made way for these two people to come back to work. Management told me none of those seven ppl would ever be back and if we could get them back, only ONE spot. I was elected union steward three years. It's a flippin thankless, unpaid job with a lot of grief. Everyweek I work with employees and management on grievances.
We have two shifts. In June I emailed xMM's wife with this information how to keep fighting for the job, not xMM, and she sent email back and appreciated my help. I also stated that perhaps it might be easier for all concerned if/when xMM got back to work he would transfer to the AM shift. That is done fairly easily.
Well, xMM is back on the PM shift, my shift. It was his choice and xMM's W choice to have him come back to work, have him come back to the PM shift. If it is such a problem for them, one he should've never come back to work or pushed to work on the AM shift.
I was wrong in the A, and so was he. You said there are three other people that are involved in this situation and one of them being xMM. He could've NOT come back to work, his choice. I had no control over that.....his right to refuse. Maybe that's what he should've done.
MovingON
MovingON
Apparently, and strangely enough for them, it isn't a problem...it's become a problem for you...perhaps not, because your husband hasn't really picked up on things.
Hey Clarity,
Perhaps you're right its not a problem for xMM and his W, but if it wasn't, why email my H? Why not let it go? Who knows.
It could be a problem for me if xMM's W will continue to contact my H. I have blocked and reblocked my cell and his to all their numbers and perhaps that is why she choose an email. Again, who knows.
I am laying low, as Bodhi says, EAS is my operator. Not doing anything. Silence. I can wait. I am learning the art of patience.
You are right in pointing out how we want things to work out aren't always the same as BS.
MovingON
MovingON
Just my two cents.
Sorry, I didn't get your message...because I was in the process of composing mine :)
((HIGS))
"You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present"
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