Narcissist?? Help need info on this!!
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Narcissist?? Help need info on this!!
| Wed, 12-15-2004 - 11:03pm |
Okay,
I keep hearing this word Narcissist and I've done a little research.
| Wed, 12-15-2004 - 11:03pm |
Okay,
I keep hearing this word Narcissist and I've done a little research.
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UHG
Have you checked these links out
http://www.angelfire.com/ego/narcissism/
http://www.angelfire.com/ego/narcissism/women.html
One thing is that Narcissits are not all 100 percent a like and there are degrees of narcissism.
Narcissist tend to be professionally driven people they have to be seen as the best and often climb the ladder in the company or profession there in.
They lack the ability to really understand or care about the harm they do to others.
The majority of narcissits are male but there our women like that to.
Free
Thank you Free,
I have checked out the first link!
sc
UHG
"""One of the things on that link said that he couldn't really commit to a relationship but he was so committed to ours that it became like an obsession. The more I resisted the more he pushed me."""
That is typical for a Narcissit, Blueyedblondgirl posted about a discussion she had with her T about this and it was explained to her, she posted about it, worth the read.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlending&msg=14024.1
Free
Edited 12/16/2004 12:02 am ET ET by mefreenow
sc
UHG
"""I feel so stupid at times, why couldn't I see all of this."""
Because like the rest of "US" you didn't want to, you were getting something you needed and you choose to close your eyes to the bad stuff for a while, that time has pasted.
Beating youeself up like hindsight serves little good purpose, use what you have learned to screen the men and women you allow to be part of your life. I think when your ready the life lessons you have learned from this will have prepared you for a normal healthy relationship with a normal healthy man worthy of you, don't sell yourself short.
Good night
Free
Hi UHG
The links on Narcissism that Free posted are good, I have been to them before as well and they give a clear picture. No, every man will not have all the characteristics.. u see, from what I have come to learn from my experience is that Narcissists have their own way of looking at the world and NOTHING anyone does changes their minds. You may try a hundred times to change their way of thinking, but it will NOT work. They may say they love u , adore u, miss u but when it comes to changing a wee bit for u, just a little to make u happy, they will not budge an inch
My xOM had many of the characteristics explained in the link.
1. The one about personal space. I used to feel like a complete stranger, an outsider when he wanted his space. It hurt so much that he didnt need me to share his sorrow or worry or whatever he was going through. I was nothing but good to him, nothign but loving, caring and all that a man can ask for. But no... when he wanted his space I was
treated bad.. i was ignored..
2.All i used to ask my xOM is for a little time out for me. But NO, he said his friends were more important, to a point of making me lose my sense of worth. In about 10 times of me asking him out he used to meet -- NEVER... but if he wanted to meet I had to meet him. He had to be in control.. he never gave me the option. And each time we fought and each time we got back together. I really dont know what kind of spell he had woven on me, but I was letting him do all this to me.
3. Another terrible point about him was that he used to talk only about himself.. his hair his body his this his that, gee, I am the woman maybe u should let me talk too...
In the beginning, it was wonderful... he was all praise to the point of writing me these long letters , love letters, flattering me, and boy did it work!! His compliments made me feel great becasue I too was going through a phase in life... my husband and me well, had differences and fights and I was dying for an outlet... and here he was. But a few months into the relationship, once I was totally head over heels in love with him, his true characteristics came up.
There was a time when he put me through this awful trauma that he was gay. He took pleasure in telling me that he thought he was gay and fancied men. He was really very very mean, and played with my emotions. Once he told me he had shaven all the hair form his head. He knows I do not like when men do that. And he kept up the lie till i saw him 1 month later, with all his hair on. Things like that are really childish because even if you joke with someone you tell them soon enough that you are kidding right?? Silly things like this but played in such a way that he made a big project out of them just to get my goat. No mature man would do that, not if he cared about someone. My patience got the better of me and I let him get away with many incidents like this one. I cannot tell you how many times he has done it. How ever did i put up with 2 years..
WE have fought many a time, and I have broken up with him, but when that happens, he goes back on courtship mode... pursues me till he convinces me to go back to him. A few days later it is back to square one. The same old thing.. like a cycle repeating itself. This is in the link as well.
I could not take it anymore. This time I have sent him the last letter and have had no contact since then. I think I am going to do it this time.
You take care UHG and where is that change in your identity?:-) I thought you were going to make it Positive Girl????
Trish :-)
I am learning more and more every day I come to this board.
"Their tendency is to form friendships or romantic relationships with only those that can enhance their self-esteem or advance their purposes."
I found that in the link that was posted on narcisism. He may not have had all those traits, or even half of them, but he sure as hell had the one I quoted above! This was the MAJOR characteristic of him that I was unable and unwilling to put up with anymore. I started looking around at the people in his life. He has many friends. Many of them women. As I started meeting these friends of his, there was one thing they all had in common..they were very attractive, and a majority of them, 10 years or more younger than him. Sure, they all came with husbands, but that doesn't matter to him, because he really only wants to be seen with them, and to show others he's able to attract young, desirable women.
The beginning of the end of our A came when I started watching him befriend a woman that is an acquantance of all of us. Young and beautiful of course. When I stated my concern over his increasing interest in this woman, he's say "she just a nice girl". I told him, if she was the same "nice girl", yet looked like say Rosie O'Donnell you wouldn't give her the time of day. That is a fact.
This board has given me an enourmous amount of information which is making it easier and easier for me to leave the past where it belongs.
Hi All,
I am exceedingly reluctant to go pinning labels on people and calling someone a narcisist basically negates our *own* part in our very own downfalls.
***Remember, ladies & gents, that no one can treat you any way except YOU permit them to treat you...*** Now go back & read that again, because it's important.
The problem generally lays squarely at OUR feet for not having set appropriate boundaries -or- after having set appropriate boundaries, then failing to maintain them.
Having learned this basic thing, I am NOW safe from the biggest, baddest most narcisistic and/or sociopathic Romeos you care to throw at me in rapid succession. Why? It's simply because I have learned that if someone fails to respectfully observe whatever boundaries I care wish to set down within a relationship, then they are disrespecting *me* and they do not rate a further moment of my precious time.
Another interesting factor is the narcisist simply cannot "prey" upon anyone with sufficient self-esteem & self-worth to ward him off. If you aren't an easy mark, a narcisist ain't interested. So again, the problem lays at our own feet.
It's up to us to set those boundaries, it's up to us to enforce them. These affair partners have already demonstrated time & time again that they have little to no respect for us - It's high time we pulled our fingers out of our back orifices and quit PERMITTING them to be disrespectful...
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
***MeFree***
I found another site that offers a great deal of information on Narcissism Personality Disorder that may be helpful to others. It simplifies searching for applicable characteristics by categorizing the various traits, exampled below.
Keep in mind though, that what "Posie" wrote is worth heeding. These men can not do anything to us that we won't allow them to do. WE have the control to kick them to the curb.
two boxes with text in them to display at the same width was to make
the one on the right 15 pixels wider than the one on the left-->amoral/conscienceless
authoritarian
care only about appearances
contemptuous
critical of others
cruel
disappointing gift-givers
don't recognize own feelings
envious and competitive
feel entitled
flirtatious or seductive
grandiose
hard to have a good time with
hate to live alone
hyper-sensitive to criticism
impulsive
lack sense of humor
naive
passive
pessimistic
religious
secretive
self-contradictory
stingy
strange work habits
unusual eating habits
weird sense of time
http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html
Wow I have learned so much from you guys!
Its funny that this dicussion shows up now cause 2weeks ago a mutual friend of xmm and mine said that he is such a narcissist! I guess i never noticed or just didnt want to.
Now you guys have made it clear to me that he does exhibit narcississtic behavior.
Yes I was easy prey, I came into his Company a housewife who's family had out grown her at home and a husband who just wasnt attentive as he should of been, horrible case of low self esteem. 3 days into working there the song brown eyed girl comes on the radio and he looks at me and askes me what color are my eyes, well they are brown and he stood up on his piece of machinery and started singing that song directly to me. Of course I was flattered and like a fish I was hooked, bait,line and sinker. The compliments rapidly kept coming my way every day. I was aways there for him but when it came time to be there for me he would go quite, my Mom was dianosed with breast cancer and he jsut didnt really have the time to really listen to me and care and the biggest red flag that i didnt see was then 2 months later after my mammogram the Dr.'s didnt like something they saw and I had to wait 3 weeks for a surgeon to look at my mammogram, when I told him the news he was broken up about it but then I didnt hear from him for 3 weeks I had to call him to tell him that it was a cyst and that I would be fine. Now that I look back if it didnt have any thing to do with him or his precious Company he didnt give a fig newton about it. Thats where the WHAT WAS I THINKING!! comes into play. Thanks for the heads up. Onthegochick
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