NC Day 1 almost over

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
NC Day 1 almost over
24
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 7:28pm

Part of me is sick that he didn't even email me an explanation for his abrupt getting-back-together with xGF.

But, what difference does it make, right?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 7:44pm
Hi NV,

You do matter, what doesn't matter is if he was biding his time or not. What matters is your removing yourself from the affair. It matters that you have the chance to dig deep and take care of yourself who matters. You have this gift that you can take of nc and leave the toxic of the A and get healthy for you. It doesn't matter if she whistled or blew a big ol horn, that is their business and not yours. You have the business of getting to know you and what makes you tick and why you went down the A path. Let the anger wash over you, don't hold onto it though. Let it go and let the emotions of healing begin for you who matters. Hugs to you NV, I know it's hard work and you have one day of nc under your belt, keep building on that and each day will get a little easier as you go through this journey:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 7:58pm
NV,

YOU MATTER. YOU matter to us here. But when it comes to all things affair and xAP related - you're right IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER. Whether "you" mattered or not doesn't change a darn thing, whether or not it was "love" doesn't change a darn thing. It was a fantasy world built on lies, sustained only through deception. What kind of relationship could be nurtured from that kinda toxic soil? See what I mean? So, instead of focusing all those displaced emotions/thoughts about who mattered to whom, and whether it was love or not, FOCUS your energy on the things that actually DO matter. FOCUS only on YOU and working to save that family of yours.

My Best,

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 8:12pm

Thank you TU and Jen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 8:50pm
NV,

Hang in there ok, you are in the early days and it is tough. I was at day 1 nc not so long ago myself, if you can let the tears out let it happen. It can be a cleansing release at times. Hugs to you again, keep reading and posting and receiving the support that is very helpful in these early days and beyound :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 8:53pm
NSN,
Its okay to cry. We've all done plenty of that in the initial ending. Be gentle with yourself. You are doing the right thing now for you and your family. Let the tears wash away some of your pain. You are a good person who made some very poor choices but you have the chance to redeem yourself and make things right within your self and your M. Keep believing.
Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2010
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 10:24pm

Hey NSN4,

First welcome to EAS. You did yourself a wonderful thing by coming here and speaking your story to us. Yet at the same time I am sorry you are here. I am sorry that you have found yourself in this situation and the pain that you are feeling. I only suggest that you read as much as you can here in your first few days. Our Healing Library is chalked full of wonderful information about the stages that you can expect to go through.

I just want to say that you have mentioned your H a few times now,and how glad you are that you have not had a Dday and have a chance to make things right. You have no idea even how much of a chance you have. Take any hurt you can imagine in your head and multiply it by 1000 or more. I am glad you are here, but you need to no focus on the fact that your xAP got back together with his xGF. In the long run that is a good thing because you were unavailable to him. You can ask some of the other MW here who had a single xAP....getting them to move on sometimes is one of the hardest parts, and that which causes lots of guilt and remorse.

And you can not say you never mattered. The whole idea and concept of NC is that we will never be able to know what they are thinking or how they are feeling. You have to decide that in your own head. And that decision may fluctuate depending on what stage you are in.

For now, I just suggest that you try and focus on your Breath and regaining it. You willingly and without hesitation gave your breath away. When you feel anxiety Breath....when you feeling fear breath....when you feel anger...breath. We are here for you and want to see succeed in pulling yourself from this mess.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 10:31pm

Yea Foogy is back!

Hi N4,

You’re doing great taking it moment by moment and day by day. That’s the way to work through the ending.

You’ve got some great support and I concur what the others are saying: You do matter to you and your family and to us! Hope you say that a few times in the mirror!

Keep posting in as you need support.

Hugs all,

E1

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 10:59pm

Hi NV,

Welcome to EAS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 10:51am

Hi NV,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 10:58am

NV, I just wanted to add :

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