NC Day 1 almost over

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
NC Day 1 almost over
24
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 7:28pm

Part of me is sick that he didn't even email me an explanation for his abrupt getting-back-together with xGF.

But, what difference does it make, right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 11:49am

Thank you all for your words and support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 12:07pm

NV,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 12:14pm

Hello NV- Day 1 down. Good for you. All of the emotions you are experiencing are normal. And you will cycle through many more before you start to feel "normal" again- whatever that means, right? I just wanted to pop in here to send you my love and support. We all remember those first few days of NC. The pain, the confusion, the needing answers. What everyone else has said is true. It doesn't matter. Your paths diverge here and from now on they have no bearing on each other. Keep reminding yourself that. And yes, be very thankful that you did not have a DDay. Foggy is right. Take whatever you are feeling and multiply is by 1000 times and then you might understand how a betrayed spouse feels. My DH suffered through 3 DDays, bless his soul for being strong enough to stick around. Keep you head up, NV. I promise it gets better.

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 12:33pm

garfy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 12:38pm

Hi nvr -

<<<

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 12:51pm
"I will be 45 this year and am afraid of looking my looks. I was shallow, conceited and egotistical, pure and simple. And, I didn't care who i hurt as long as my ego was stroked. I can't believe this is who i am. That I rksked everything for my stupid ego...."

Okay ... but WHY?

That's not the root of it ... why did your ego need this external validation at the expense of all others. I don't believe you are cruel or unkind person. I personally believe that there are deeper issues underneath this more superficial explanations of why we engaged in such self-destructive behaviors. ESPECIALLY because we were almost always experiencing great pain in doing so. So WHY?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 1:06pm
TU, I don't know.... but, does every action always have a deeper root? Or sometimes are actions fruits of pure ego and selfishness?

I was delusional - I thought as long as no one knew, I wasn't hurting anyone. I never lost affection for my H. But, the A was only 6 months physcial, 8 months total, and maybe if it had gone on longer, I would have withdrawn from H, I don't know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 1:07pm

I have to stop fuming and thinking of them together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 1:10pm

My A was 13 months and I did withdraw from H.... (2 months EA and 11 months PA)

TU, what do you think the root of the problem might have been?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 1:15pm
How long did it take to not care about xAP anymore? Did you ever care for him? Were you in a happy M? Do you have an intro I can read? I'd like to know more from you whose xAP was single.

I work with xAP - thankfully on different floors, so contact would be by email or IM only, which is how we started - so accidental contact is always a possibility.