NC is emotionally draining
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| Wed, 03-24-2004 - 12:20am |
Everyone here is correct in it does get easier each time we initiate NC. I had only had complete NC since a week ago Sunday. (A whole 6 days)
Well last Thursday, Friday & Saturday I could not get XMM out of my mind. It was so eerie. On Sat. my feelings we so strong that I felt like I could fall apart any second. So I took a nap to try and forget, instead I dreamed for 3 hours about XMM.
Then on Sunday, I couldn't take it any longer, I IM'ed him and ask how he was doing. I told him he had been on my mind over the past few days and I was just checking to see if he was okay. He said he had been in the hospital. He had a blockage in his heart and tonight he is in the hospital getting a stint put in his heart. I just told him that this surgery he is having done works miracles and has high success rates.
I also called and told him that I loved him and would always love him. No matter how many bad things we have been through over the past 10 weeks, I will always love this man. I could not have lived with myself had I not told him if he were to die or something. I had told him the week prior that I didn’t feel hate, nor love, nor anything for him, it was simple - we were through having our affair.
After 12 years in our affair, we still love each other and probably always will.
He is back living with his W; he needs someone to take care of him. I somehow feel peace in knowing that he is with her. She was never a threat to me and I know if he is at home, then he will have to walk a straight line.
I think I am mourning our relationship on a different level today. All I know is it hurts so bad.
Lillsilly

Ironic how the XMM goes to his wife to take care of him...so typical. The wife is the one that does the laundry, takes care of a man's children, cleans his toilet and takes care of him when he is sick. The mistress gets the "i love you's". I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty or to pass judgment, it is just an observation. We need to see these men for the cake eaters that they are. I know all about cake eaters, because I was one myself.
you are going to be fine LILL....so you broke NC..big deal....just don't lose sight of the big picture and why you wanted NC in the first place.
Jazzdiva