NC impossible - trying to cope

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
NC impossible - trying to cope
4
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 7:58pm
I've been lurking for a while, but decided it was time to post. Here's the story in a nutshell:

I'm married with one child (marriage is generally good - I think I was just a little bored). Got involved with XMM (who is much older) after "harmless" flirting. Was very short-lived; no IC but some intimacy. He broke it off for various reasons - none of which I can fault him for. Of course, I'm glad it didn't go further, but I can't stop feeling an attraction to him. I see him often because we work together. And now we're starting to work more closely with each other which is good for my career, but bad for my emotions. The worst part about all this is he still flirts a bit. I don't know exactly how to handle this without jeopardizing a really good job.

Help?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 8:30pm
Other

A good job is a great thing to have but cannot hold a candle to a good marriage or how important your family is, if you doubt this just ask anyone that has lost there family do to an affair, so consider a job change.

Right now keep all contact professional totally none personal no flirting and no responding to his, there is no such thing as harmless flirting as you now know.

Focus on the things that are going to be important in 30 years YOUR FAMILY that job will be long gone nothing but a memory.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 9:05pm
Free,

Of course you're right. Logically, I know what is right for me. But sometimes my emotions just take over and it's like logic doesn't exist anymore. It's hard to listen to him talk or feel him touch my hand without going crazy. I've been very good at keeping everything coming out of my mouth professional. But I find myself thinking about him way too often for my own good. It's definitely gotten easier over the last couple of weeks, but like everyone on this board, I have my bad days.

I think I am different from many here in that I don't love this man. This is purely lust. Who knew lust could be so strong?

other

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 9:20pm
Other

I agree it is not easy.

You can help yourself by setting clear boundries, such as no touching for any reason, no personal comments, no talking about any problems in your respective marriages, this guy has opened the door for you to take contol by ending it, by putting clear limits on the relationship your just doing what he said he wanted ENDING IT and keeping it that way.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 9:52pm

I read the part where you said that you were different than the others here...mostly lust, not love, huh? Well, I think that a LOT of us felt that way at the beginning. We would be cool. We wouldn't let our hearts take the lead from our heads.

I know that I can have a one night stand and go on. But sometimes, just sometimes, it doesn't work out the way you think. It's a slippery slope. If you are happy with your M but bored....get a hobby!! I just hate to see your heart break.

Good luck.