NC to LC
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NC to LC
| Tue, 08-03-2010 - 11:46am |
After almost 5 weeks of NC, xAP is back to work..I ended the A when he went for his vacation. I just..couldn't do it anymore. For quite a while i knew it had to end, but i didn't have the courage to end it. So i strung him along, lied to him that nothing has changed. Meanwhile i knew that the end was coming.
During NC i felt okay. I felt free. Focused on my H. For the first time since our wedding i've actually been able to focus on him. My A is longer than my M.. talk about twisted.
So now that he is here..it is very hard. He looks awful. He looks like a truck ran him over. This is not how a man should look after 5 weeks away from work. I feel awful.
How am i going to get through this...
Sunshine
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Hey Sunshine,
Maybe this will help.
Hi Sunshine- I want to second what CSN said. I too had to deal with my xap falling apart each time I ended things. It tore my heart out so I went back, even though doing so tore mine out. This times, it's about you. It's natural for us to feel bad, but just keep reminding yourself what a dead end that is. Just keep reminding yourself that as each day passes, not only do you heal, but he does as well. NC/LC is a gift, not a punishment, though it may look and feel like it in the first few days/weeks/months. Hang tough. Tap into your strength folder. Keep reading here.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/