NC not an option

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
NC not an option
3
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 6:27am
How do you move past the affair when you still see each other at work?

My xMM was the one that ended our 5 month affair and he asked me if I thought we could still work together and be friends? At the time I told him that I thought we could still be friends and work together, but as time goes by I find it gets harder.

The looks that we give each other, each is always wondering what the other one is thinking.

We still talk to each other on a personal and private basis.

One other person at work knows of the affair. He told me that he can still see the attraction that me and xMM have for each other and he thinks that eventually me and xMM will end up in the affair again. He says that as time goes by and our lives at home seem to get back to normal, that it makes it easier to start up the affair again.

The both of us were showing signs of an affair at home. I guess you don't realize that you putting off signals to your spouse and children. You get so caught up in the emotional high of the affair.

I think the reason I had an affair was that it felt so good to know that an attractive younger man was interested in me.

He loves his wife, but said that his wife is so caught up in the kids that they barely ever have time for sex, and when they do she is not adventurous at all.

Men like adventure and not a mundane boring sex life.

I am happily married, for 20 yrs now and also attribute my infidelity to mid life crisis

I would like to hear advice and opinions on whether people think that the chances of the affair happening again is very likely, due to the fact that we do still see each other at work, we have no regrets for having the affair with one another, we are still friendly.

He says he wants to be my friend because he can talk to me about anything.

I would have another affair with this man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 7:27am


tempted,

The fact that you wrote at the end of your post that you would end up having or continuing the affair with this man is a definite indicator that it will happen. Trust me, when you work with someone and see them everyday it will happen. It happened to me. I worked with my MM everyday in a bank with a very small staff so we were working closely everyday. I tried to end it but it was too much and too easy to fall back. I had even thought of transfering or getting another job but my circumstances made it difficult and plus to be honest I wanted to still be close to my MM.

Even if you think you have done everything to be discreet ( I was neurotic about the secrecy) there is an "energy" that is given off to others in the family. Even if your H can't put his finger on it or prove it, he "feels" it. So does your children. I don't know their ages, mine are 13 and 8. My A started when my son was 10 and just recently ( when the S@#T really hit the fan) in a really bad arguement between my now ex and me, my H was shouting and screaming about my A and my son heard everything and I was devastated. Anyway, my point is, my son approached me later that day and told me he always knew that "Charlie" (not his real name) and I were involved because he could see how he looked at me and he knew "Charlie" was in-love with me. How's that for perception. My 13 year old even knew. My MM and I would visit each other's house for family get-togethers, that's how my son saw him. It's a long twisted story.

Sorry such a long post. Just wanted to tell you that unless you truly want it over (or him for that matter, he broke it off)then you will make it that way. If there's a will there's a way, but I think you aren't ready to let go and it will start up again.

Midnightblue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 2:24pm
My situation sounds a bit like yours.

I work at a bank, very small branch, xMM is a police officer that works on his normal days off at the bank.

Yes, he is the one that initiated and ended the affair. There is still that look in his eyes when he looks at me, I am sure you know the look.

Him and his wife are leaving this weekend for vacation, I am sad, I will not see him for 2 wks, I told him before he left to have a good time and to think about us, he looked at me with that look in his eyes and said he would.

I know that it is so much easier to get back into the affair, beings we have already broken that barrier. The attraction and chemistry that we have for each other is so strong.We both know it is wrong.

The other police officer that works the bank knew pretty early on that something was up and he asked me if I was having an affair. He said that he could sense something with me and xMM. He says he can tell all the feelings are still there. Another officer that comes in the bank actually told the other officer that he thought xMM and me were having an affair, just had that feeling. I guess people can pick up on it.

XMM nor I either one regret having the affair with each other. He is a good person, I am a good person, but we betrayed our spouses. Neither of us ever intended to leave our spouses. Early on we both agreed to keep it physical and not get emotional, but I don't know if that is possible.

I would really love to hear a guys input on my situation.

Thanks to all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 11:06am

Please see my response to your other post for comments and my answers to your questions.


cl-nre